When you write a personal ad, describe self, preferences honestly

Friday, October 16, 1998 | by

RON OSTROFF

HIGHLAND PARK, N.J.—In most Jewish newspapers, there's one type of advertising that just about everybody reads, whether they need the product or not. That's the personals.

What do all these single people say about themselves? And what do they say they are looking for?

In most cases, it's sort of a dream world.

Everybody is attractive, handsome or beautiful. They are all tall, slim and possibly voluptuous or athletic-looking. They are always young, professional and financially secure. And they want all that and even more in a mate.

Every so often, a reader discovers that all the advertisers aren't perfect. In fact some are quite frank about weight, height, children and precisely what they want. "Ugly guy looking for similar woman." "Shrew seeks nice guy. No attitude, please."

Actually, personals are a great way to meet people you might not come across any other way. And the best way to get started is to write an ad. At the Jewish Bulletin, 15-word ads are free. That means every word must count.

Here are some tips for writing that ad:

*Identify yourself. "Nice Jewish boy looking for nice Jewish girl" just won't work. You're bound to be disappointed. It will make a big difference to readers whether you are a 70-year-old Jewish widower (they get lots and lots of mail because there are so many more women that age) or a 30-year-old college graduate.

Your age and your occupation are important. Your hair and eye color probably aren't. Do you really want to date someone who thinks the best thing about you is your blue eyes?

If you are not willing to travel far for a date, where you live might also be worth including.

If you have any strong interests or characteristics that help define you, include them in a concise manner. If you're a vegetarian, a sports fanatic or Sabbath-observant, that could be important.

Some physical characteristics can be important. If you are a 6-foot woman looking for taller guys, put that in the ad.

The object is to give the reader a little taste of who you are.

*Tell what or who you are looking for, but first figure out what's important. If a potential mate's age is important, put it in the ad. If you can't stand to kiss a smoker, be sure you write that you are looking for nonsmokers. If you don't want or like children, readers would probably want to know that as well.

*Use abbreviations. It cuts down on the word count and allows you to say more. Some quick abbreviations to know: SJM (single Jewish male), DJF (divorced Jewish female), NS (nonsmoking), ISO (in search of), LTR (long-term relationship), WLTM (would like to meet).

*Be specific. In the best of all worlds, think of writing a personal ad as if you were making a request to a computer. With a computer, it will provide what you request. With a personal ad, there's a good chance that the person answering the ad will meet the requirements in it. But with both, there's little to no chance of getting what you didn't ask for.

If you are looking for a SJM, 22-35, say that. If the person must keep kosher and be Sabbath-observant, say that as well. You can't get what you don't ask for.

*Be honest. Don't lie about your age, your height or your weight. If someone agrees to meet you and you've been less than honest in describing yourself, the potential for any relationship will probably disappear.

*Be realistic. If you write that you seek an SJF, 19-25, who loves exercise and the beach and you're a 65-year-old retiree who hasn't seen exercise since the Korean conflict, you probably won't get much of a response.

*Listen to how the ad sounds. Read the ad as if it were written by someone else. Do you sound silly, full of yourself or arrogant? If that's the way the ad sounds to you, it will probably sound just as bad to a reader who doesn't know you.

Remember, if something in writing can be taken the wrong way, it probably will. If something might be considered offensive, it probably will. Try to make yourself sound like someone you'd want to date.

So be careful what you write. Remember, you are creating a first impression. And you only get to do that once.