Oh no, not another article about same-sex marriage. Hasn’t the subject been done to death? Can’t we just give it a rest?
Good idea. I’m sure the African American struggle for civil rights was done to death, too. The farm workers’ battle for a living wage?
Bo-ring! And what about the war we Jews fight against Holocaust denial and anti-Semitism? Dayenu.
When it comes to the denial of civil rights to an entire class of people, there is no rest. There is only struggle until those rights are granted.
To those who voted for Proposition 8, to those who believe same-sex marriage will destroy civilization, to those who think the way to defend marriage is to deny it to millions, I say: You are wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.
Dismantling the arguments against same-sex marriage is so easy, I’m still astonished Prop. 8 won. To me, its passage (and subsequent Supreme Court validation) was a mass disavowal of logic, reason and fairness.
For starters, though most people wed in a church or synagogue, marriage is a civil institution, a contract granted by the state. As a contract, it is — or should be — no more subject to religious interjection than any other civil contract. That is to say, not at all.
Which means it must be available to every citizen. Depriving gay and lesbian couples that right is identical to forbidding interracial marriage. The two are equally bogus prohibitions, too often premised on Scripture.
And Scripture has no place in the writing of laws or as a weapon to limit equality among citizens. Maybe you can get away with that in Saudi Arabia, but not here.
Even if religion could intrude on civil contracts, arguing that society must uphold traditional marriage is absurd. Who decides what constitutes tradition? In the Bible, men were polygamous. In later centuries, marriage was a business deal struck by patriarchs and matchmakers.
Women were chattel. Dowries, not love, determined who ended up with whom. Husbands could beat their wives with impunity because women belonged to the men. Not long ago, the law forbade blacks and whites to marry.
All formerly tradition. All discredited hogwash.
Those who view marriage as a timeless, changeless institution should admit the obvious. It does change. And now it’s long past time for marriage to change again.
Last month I covered the San Francisco protest, march and rally following the Supreme Court’s decision to uphold Prop. 8. Though careful to maintain my impassive reporter’s demeanor, I was moved by the crowds on Market Street chanting their fury. I saw the hurt in the eyes of one woman who charged the barricades at the Supreme Court, which had denied her civil rights hours earlier.
But instead of the sturm and drang of a street protest, better to share a quick portrait of Liz and Ronnie, my mothers-in-law (true, Robyn and I are not married, but after 12 years together, it feels like we are — and her mom, Liz, and Liz’s wife, Ronnie, are family to me).
Liz is a retired therapist, Ronnie a retired pediatrician. Between them they have 10 children and I still can’t count how many grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Their Berkeley home is the hub of this extended family, and I know of no place else on Earth where I feel as safe or as loved.
Liz and Ronnie’s legal wedding last year was a day of joy for all of us in the clan. I sat there with Robyn, pondering the commitment to love and family these two live every day.
I support any religious institution’s right to forbid same-sex weddings within its sanctuaries. I know of no one in the LGBT community who argues otherwise. Religious freedom would remain as strong as ever with legal same-sex marriage.
Nothing bad will happen if gay and lesbian couples marry. Only good.
Whatever arguments people make in disagreement with these sentiments will likely be grounded, at least in part, in religion. Sorry, but that holds no water whatsoever. Not in this free, secular and ostensibly equitable society. And not for this Jew.
But if, after it’s legal, the notion of same-sex marriage still sticks in your craw, still drives you nuts, I have the perfect solution for you: Don’t have one.
Dan Pine can be reached at [email protected].