Late-life marriage unlikely? Don’t tell this couple
Friday, June 16, 2006 | bymollie schneider
Try to imagine the perfect love story.
Do you picture a high school setting (or better yet, a religious school classroom) where a teenager drops her pen in front of a classmate, he leans over to pick it up, they gaze into each other’s eyes, the sparks fly, and they immediately fall in love?
Or perhaps you envision a “When Harry Met Sally”-type moment, when longtime acquaintances finally realize they are meant to be together?
With countless romantic possibilities out there, rarely do we envision this scenario: A 60-something, never-been-married Jewish woman and a thrice-married, non-Jewish man five years her junior meet, fall in love and marry, vowing to spend the rest of their lives together.
That is the true story of Marilyn Ausibel and Robert Ackelson of Berkeley. And it is the type of story that excites Karen Roekard, who co-officiated last month at the couple’s wedding at Westerbeke Ranch in Sonoma.
Roekard said this story is unique because of the unlikelihood of it ever happening.
“If you spoke to a single female and you said you wanted to set her up with a single male who’s wonderful but he’s been married three times, she would say ‘I don’t think so,’” Roekard said.
“And if I said to a fellow, ‘I know this female, she’s wonderful and delightful, but I have to tell you something, she’s 62 and never been married,’ he would say, ‘no thank you.’”
Yet, “Here you have two people who have been able to get over these stereotypes in our world and actually see each other ... love each other,” she said.
Ausibel does not quite understand what makes her story so exceptional. But she does admit that people were smitten with the story of her engagement.
“I can tell you, [while] planning this wedding, other people would get very excited,” she said. “Here I am 65 years old and I was getting married.
“I’d go into stores looking for a pair of earrings, and the storekeeper would just know [and become excited]. People were beside themselves!”
And yet, the backstory to how the couple fell in love is not fairy-tale exciting, according to Ausibel: They met at a party many years ago, exchanged telephone numbers and went out once. He became involved with someone else, and Ausibel did not hear from him for eight years.
When his romance was over, he found her card and remembered that they’d had a good time together.
“He said he wanted to put more dance in his life, and remembered we had danced a lot,” Ausibel recalled.
The second time around, they found they shared mutual interests, including a love for New Mexico, camping, hiking and the outdoors. In fact, the two went camping for their honeymoon.
Moreover, Ackelson is happy to share Ausibel’s desire to live in a Jewish world, attending High Holy Day services with her and experimenting with Jewish foods.
The match was indeed simple.
Their wedding was not quite as simple, however: it was a big weekend affair in Sonoma where guests, bride and groom stayed in cabins nestled among oak trees and rolling hills. Ausibel, who grew up in Brooklyn’s Borough Park, felt strongly about having the essence of a Jewish wedding, as well as taking into consideration Ackelson’s non-Jewish background.
The Kabbalat Shabbat “was just magical,” said Roekard, and there was a moving healing service Saturday morning for someone who was quite ill. The wedding late Saturday afternoon was replete with ceremonial blessings, singing and Jewish tradition.
Roekard said she felt profound joy the day the couple married, adding that guests came away bonded by the beautiful experience.
“This is the sort of thing that [is] inspirational to us older females who are told that we are more likely to be struck by lightning than to get married again,” enthused Roekard. “For single women over 50 to hear this story, there is hope!”
Roekard of Berkeley leads the Mishpacha Group for single, over-40 Jews, which started 12 years ago at Congregation Kol Shofar in Tiburon. The group tries to create a warm, welcoming environment — with Shabbat dinners in private homes, for people who are not necessarily just coming to meet someone, but who are trying to make a Jewish
connection. Ausibel went to a couple of events herself before meeting Ackelson.
She agreed with Roekard that finding love at an older age beats the odds and can give hope to others.
“Any single woman over 40 can have a full life,” Ausibel said. “Most people get married when they are younger, but I am happy being married at this age. I feel much more fulfilled with someone else, someone I can share my life with. I recommend it.
“By the time you are over 60, you don’t meet people as openly,” she acknowledged. “You have to keep yourself open ... an open mind, an open heart ... when you meet someone who sparks your interest. I am blessed to have found Robert.”