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Message: <br /><br /> If you are having trouble reading this email, you may view this article online at: http://www.jweekly.com/64106/full/64106/wedding-woes/ <br /><br /> <b>Our Two Cents: Wedding woes</b> <br /> Thursday, January 26, 2012 | by dr. sharon ufberg <br /><br /><p><em>My fiancé and I are planning our wedding and we just can’t seem to get any peace in the process. Pleasing everyone on both sides of the family has turned out to be more hassle than we expected. Every which way I look, someone’s arguing over some new aspect of the wedding. Now it’s the invitations — specifically, the wording. My family is footing the bill for the big celebration, but his parents are requesting that they also be listed on the invitation. I’m pretty traditional and want my parents to cordially invite my guests to the wedding they’re throwing. Do his parents get a spot on the invitation? That just doesn’t seem fair. L.S., San Mateo </em></p> <p><br /><strong>Alexis</strong>: Remember that the most important part of all of this wedding planning is that you’re marrying the man you love, so the wedding should ultimately be about you and your fiancé. With that said, you’re being a bit stingy here with the invite wording. Your parents may be rich enough to throw the shindig, but it’s your future in-laws’ son who is getting married, too. This is the 21st century and you’re no longer getting sent off with a wedding and a dowry. You should be grateful that your future in-laws are not so old-fashioned and that you live in a time when egalitarianism is in vogue. If the in-laws want to be included, include them. In the end, you won’t even remember the wording on the invitation. You’ll have their wonderful son to spend forever with — and that’s what counts.</p> <p><br /><strong>Jessica</strong>: I completely agree with Lex. This wedding isn’t about whose name is on the invitation but the love and life you and your fiancé are creating together. This is as good a time as any to practice being sensitive to the feelings of your new in-laws. You can show your enormous appreciation to your parents for their solo contribution to the wedding in ways that don’t exclude your new mekhutonim (in-laws). You want to be one big happy family, don’t you? These wedding planning details are a perfect place to start bringing everyone together to make decisions with love and acceptance.</p> <p><br /><img class="left" height="200" src="/images/uploads/column_pics/advice/dr. sharon ufberg.jpg" width="126" /><strong>Sharon</strong>: There are no strict rules anymore about how one “does” a wedding. Whose name goes on the wedding invitation, in what order, how many original parents, step-parents, or no parent names at all are up for grabs. I love the freedom of “anything goes.” It allows for a new blended family to create their own rules while focusing on inclusiveness and bringing the families closer together from this day forward.</p> <p><br /><strong>Saul</strong>: I would be very unhappy if my future wife didn’t want to put my parents’ names on our wedding invitation, especially if that was something my parents specifically requested. “Traditional” women would be moving into her husbands’ parental home and taking care of the in-laws full time, so just including their names on an invite seems to be the least you could do. Seriously though, make these difficult wedding decisions based on how you want you and your fiancé to make all future decisions. Hopefully that’s together and with a lot of love and respect for each other’s feelings. The petty details shouldn’t matter so much. Maybe it’s time for you all to take a step back and look at what’s really important and why you’re getting married in the first place. If the planning is too much trouble, then what’s going to happen when you all have something truly important to deal with together? </p> <p><br /><strong>Dr. Sharon Ufberg</strong> is a Napa-based radio host, journalist, consultant and integrative health practitioner. Her daughters live in San Francisco: Lawyer-turned-writer <strong>Alexis Sclamberg</strong>, 28 and married; and hair colorist <strong>Jessica Sclamberg</strong>, 26 and single. <strong>Saul Sclamberg</strong>, 24 and single, studies chiropractic in Los Angeles. Read more at <a href="http://r-2-cents.com">http://r-2-cents.com</a>.</p> <p><strong><br />Dr. Sharon Ufberg</strong> and her three children offer advice about family, love and life. Send your questions to <strong><a href="mailto:ourtwocents@jweekly.com">ourtwocents@jweekly.com</a></strong>.</p>

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