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Message: <br /><br /> If you are having trouble reading this email, you may view this article online at: http://www.jweekly.com/38438/full/38438/finding-right-tutor-can-be-harder-than-learning-to-chant-torah/ <br /><br /> <b>Finding right tutor can be harder than learning to chant Torah</b> <br /> Thursday, June 25, 2009 | by steven friedman <br /><br /><p>As any parent who has gone through the process will tell you, preparing for a b’nai mitzvah isn’t easy — and one of the first things on a long and often arduous list of tasks is finding a good tutor for your child.</p> <p>While matching up your child with someone that’s right for him or her can be a difficult assignment, Bay Area tutors say there are ways to make it easier.</p> <p> <div class="capDivLeft" style="width: 126px;"><img alt="CELtutors rubin, george" class="left" height="202" src="http://www.jweekly.com/images/uploads/z_photos_2009/y06_26_09/CELtutors rubin, george.jpg" title="George Rubin" width="126" /> <div class="caption">George Rubin</div> </div> For example, one way to get the process started is by focusing on your child’s strengths, said Cantor David Margules, who has been training students at Congregation Rodef Sholom in San Rafael since 1991. From there, locate a tutor that matches up well.</p> <p>“If you know that your son or daughter works better with a man or woman, you’re going to want to choose that gender,” Margules said. “Will they work well with [a free-spirited person] who rides a motorcycle? Or someone older who can offer stability?</p> <p>“Or maybe you should look for someone who is more musically inclined,” he added. “Or someone whose strong suit is Hebrew.”</p> <p>Finding a tutor that relates well to your child — and provides a healthy dose of motivation — is a key factor in whether the tutor-student relationship turns into a positive experience.</p> <p> <div class="capDivLeft" style="width: 126px;"><img alt="CELtutorstorchio batshir" class="left" height="208" src="http://www.jweekly.com/images/uploads/z_photos_2009/y06_26_09/CELtutorstorchio batshir.jpg" title="Batshir Torchio" width="126" /> <div class="caption">Batshir Torchio</div> </div> “Motivation is one of the most important factors,” Margules said. “Ninety-nine point nine percent of the kids will do well with their b’nai mitzvah preparation if they’re motivated.”</p> <p>George Rubin, 59, a self-employed Judaica teacher in the South Bay for the past 17 years, agrees that motivation is extremely important. A good tutor “knows how to teach and relate to students in a way to makes the experience positive,” he said.</p> <p>First and foremost, of course, “a parent would want someone who is knowledgeable of Judaism in general, and knowledgeable in Hebrew,” Rubin said.</p> <p>The process of finding the right tutor is similar to finding a match through a dating service, some tutors said. Families and tutors must identify and prioritize their needs and desires.</p> <p>Batshir Torchio insists that she meet with the family before and at several intervals during the entire process.</p> <p>“I insist that the family is involved in the learning,” said Torchio, who teaches Jewish studies at Brandeis Hillel Day School in San Francisco and has been tutoring for seven years. “I ask the students to keep a diary of their learning.”</p> <p>Torchio said families should work with a tutor who is personally invested in the learning. “You’re not just teaching a skill, you’re involving the students in lifelong Jewish learning.”</p> <p><img alt="CELtutors cartoon" class="left" height="340" src="http://www.jweekly.com/images/uploads/z_photos_2009/y06_26_09/CELtutors cartoon.jpg" title="CELtutors cartoon" width="360" />Families also need to make sure — because it’s not always a given — that the tutor actually enjoys working with young people.</p> <p>“The tutor needs to have patience and be fond of kids,” said Shirley Berman, 80, who has been teaching Hebrew at Rodef Sholom for 50 years and b’nai mitzvah students for more than 15. “You need to understand how kids operate today and know what is cool.”</p> <p>Then again, while understanding what is hip is important, allowing the child’s personality to emerge is equally vital, said Dalia Davis, a Berkeley-based tutor in her late 20s.</p> <p>“There is a wide variety of what can be done for a bar or bat mitzvah ceremony,” said Davis. “It depends on what works for each boy and girl.”</p> <p>Another Berkeley-based tutor, however, implored parents not to let the wishes and whimsy of the bar or bat mitzvah student guide the learning process.</p> <p> “The bar or bat mitzvah and his or her family need to have respect for the community and strike a balance so it isn’t a bar or bat mitzvah show,” said tutor Judy Massarano, 45.</p> <p>This is important, because parents’ expectations of the tutor-student relationship are often formed by how they perceive the impending b’nai mitzvah ceremony: as a “performance” or as something solemn and spiritual.</p> <p>Rubin said parents and the tutor must be clear about how they see the process unfolding. “Parents and the tutor should clarify their expectations,” he said. “Parents need to find out what their child is going to achieve. And the tutor should find out what the parents’ expectations are.”</p> <p>Jeff Schwarz, 53, who has been the full-time b’nai mitzvah and youth director at Congregation Kol Emeth in Palo Alto for 29 years, always aims to focus on the child. “I try to talk to the student first about his or her expectations,” he said. “I also try to get to know the family because some families are knowledgeable enough to teach their children.”</p> <p>Rubin said that expectations are more easily met if parents find a tutor who will “provide the kind of teaching that allows students to feel they are very capable. A student saying ‘I did it’ is music to my ears.”</p>

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