Julie Gordon doesn’t think twice of flying to Los Angeles just for a date. That’s because the 36-year-old Berkeley resident is modern Orthodox, and the number of potential mates in the Bay Area is minuscule.
But in two weeks, hopefully, potential mates will come to her. Recognizing the difficulties for observant Bay Area residents to find suitable people to date, Berkeley’s Congregation Beth Israel is hosting a Shabbaton for observant singles from throughout the Northwest on Friday and Saturday, Oct. 22 and 23. The event is open to singles of all ages.
Gordon, who has lived in the Bay Area since 1992, said that when she was in her 20s, a new eligible single would arrive every so often in the observant community, and “everyone would pounce on them.” In her age group now, it’s different, she said, but not much better.
That’s why Gordon has used frumster.com, a dating Web site for observant Jews, and sawyouatsinai.com, a Web site that involves matchmaking rather than browsing. On the latter, the user submits a profile and then waits for a volunteer matchmaker to forward the profiles and contact information of suitable matches.
“One of the issues many Orthodox singles face in the Bay Area or Northwest in general, is that if they either chose to move here or are from here, they don’t interface so well with observant Jews from New York or Los Angeles,” said Rabbi Yair Silverman, Beth Israel’s spiritual leader, speaking of why he decided to host the Shabbaton.
Silverman said that observant Jews who call the Bay Area home are a self-selected group whose priorities are different from those of their big-city counterparts. Perhaps being close to nature is more important to them than having a variety of kosher restaurants from which to choose. “It’s something that is very unique and difficult to navigate successfully,” he said.
Laila Muller agrees. The 35-year-old Berkeley resident said that an Orthodox Jew living in Berkeley is bound to be more open-minded than her counterparts in other regions of the country.
“We tend to be more health-conscious,” said Muller. “We’re more likely to exercise and be more open to other people and the positive aspects of other cultures.”
Furthermore, she said, “I’m a vegetarian, and that would almost be looked upon with suspicion on the East Coast. I want to find a man who will be very happy when I make him vegetarian sushi instead of brisket, and even better if I can find a man who knows how to make vegetarian sushi himself.”
Muller said she had dated men who weren’t as observant as she was, but it was difficult.
“I’m determined to meet someone as observant as I am or more,” she said. “Being observant is the most important part of my life, and I can’t imagine not sharing that with the most important person in my life.”
While many modern Orthodox young singles move to New York after they graduate from college — to two apartment buildings on the Upper West Side, specifically — to find their life partners, Gordon never considered that, as she’s not a city person, and hardly likes coming to San Francisco.
“I thought I’d be so miserable in New York that I wouldn’t be fun to date,” she said.
Silverman agreed to host the meeting when the issue came up at a conference of Orthodox rabbis on the West Coast. At that meeting, the rabbis discussed the two dangerous pitfalls the Jewish community makes in dealing with singles.
“There’s either a denial that people have a difficult time finding life partners, or there’s the opposite extreme, [that] if you haven’t found a life partner, then you’re not living a meaningful life,” he said. “We need communal resources to be focused upon helping people meet their life partner, but at the same time, recognizing each person as an individual.”
The Shabbaton will be held at several locations in Berkeley. Home hospitality to
out-of-towners and group rates at area hotels can be arranged. Cost is $60. Registration
and information: (510) 843-5246 or [email protected].