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When your kids are in Israel, you can’t stop worrying

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Message: If you are having trouble reading this email, you may view this article online at: http://www.jweekly.com/18194/full/18194/when-your-kids-are-in-israel-you-can-t-stop-worrying/ When your kids are in Israel, you can’t stop worrying Friday, August 2, 2002 | by ALEZA GOLDSMITHBulletin Staff She and husband Walter thought of calling but guessed they'd have trouble getting through. So the Tiburon residents turned on their computer and, luckily, found an e-mail saying that their son, his wife and their two daughters were all safe. "I thought I'd lose my mind until I found out they were OK," she said. While news of bombings is upsetting to everyone, for those parents and grandparents here with children in Israel, until that e-mail or phone call arrives, the fear is often indescribable. Speaking a few hours after learning her family was safe, Griesbach admitted that she was too upset to find out further details about the bombing in the cafeteria that killed seven and injured 80. Her voice shaky, Griesbach said she often has trouble sleeping. "From my perspective, this is the worst incident that has happened so far." Griesbach said that whenever she talks to her son and his family, she always tells them how much she loves them. "To say it has been a nightmare is an understatement." Annette Sunshine can relate. A few months ago, she couldn't reach her grandson. Fretting for his safety, she left several messages on his answering machine pleading with him to "Just e-mail me!" Finally 20-year-old Joshua Sunshine, who made aliyah from San Jose in January and is living on a kibbutz near Haifa, responded via e-mail. He wrote: "Dear Gram, I'm fine. I'm living my life and loving it." His grandmother, who recently moved to Southern California from San Jose, was greatly relieved. "Though I support him 100 percent, this is not the best time in the world to be living in Israel," she said. "I'm very proud that he followed his passion. But how could it not make me nervous?" "A parent is worried by nature," said Rabbi Yosef Langer of Chabad of S.F., who has a son, Moishe, 17, and a daughter, Nechama, 26, living in Israel. "But I'm not obsessed by the worry and I'm very supportive of their decision to stay…in the Holy Land." Mira Barkan, an Israeli who moved to Palo Alto with her husband and children in 1984, is also having an emotional time. She fought back tears as she admitted the situation has gotten so bad that she recently asked her daughters, Hadar, 25, and Shiri, 27, to return to the United States. "They didn't want to," she said. "They said, 'Of course you would ask, you're Mom, but we need to continue with our lives. You don't run away from your home—you need to protect it.'" Barkan, who speaks with her daughters every day via telephone, was not entirely surprised by their answer. "We raised them with lots of love and dedication to Israel," she said of her daughters, both of whom have served as officers in the Israel Defense Force and were educated at Israeli universities. But it's not only her daughters that she and her husband worry about. "It's everybody I know there," including her various family members and close friends. "It hurts even when you hear about a stranger or look at the faces and names of innocent people who are being forced to fight and live through" the horror of terrorism, she said. Barkan, who is active in many pro-Israel organizations including Hadassah, described her feelings about the current crisis as a mixture of frustration and fear. "It also brings a lot of anger because life could be so beautiful," she said. "But amid all this fear you have to have strength and optimism. We cannot give up." A psychotherapist, she hopes to form a support group for parents of children living in Israel. Jason Gerbsman, 25, meanwhile, moved to Israel two years ago and is currently serving as a security commander in Gaza. His father, Steve Gerbsman of Kentfield, said he and his wife are "proud of his commitment to the duty and honor" of Israel. It does not entirely surprise Steve Gerbsman that his son wanted to join the army, since between the ages of 4 and 7 Jason practically "lived in his fatigues and cowboy boots." Now he walks around with an M-16 and six clips in his belt, his father said. Steve Gerbsman said he and Jason's mother originally "tried to talk him out of" going to Israel, "but he was a young adult who made up his mind. When we realized it was something he had to do, we were supportive." There have been many times "that we have been concerned about him," he added. "But we believe he is doing the best he can to take care of himself." Also from Marin, Yetta and Rabbi Bernie Robinson of San Rafael have two sons in Tel Aviv. Both Daniel, 37, and Micah, 33, have lived in Israel for more than 10 years and both have served in the IDF—Daniel in the Lebanon War. The Robinsons have never asked them to move back, but they visit them regularly, including this summer. "Listen, my kids live there," said Yetta Robinson. "How can I not go when they live there? We've been there many times before when the situation hasn't been so good. My first trip was in 1973, during the Yom Kippur War." Still, "now, with the situation and the terrorism," Robinson is especially stressed. "Sometimes it makes me feel sick—really sick," she said. "But you just learn to live with it." Compounding her anxieties is the fear that her children will be called up from the reserves and into active duty. Micah Robinson, only recently a father himself—his first son was born on Sept. 11—was recently called in for reserve training. "He assures me it's just training and he doesn't think his unit will be activated," said his mother, "but you never know." During a recent visit to Israel, Rabbi H. David Teitelbaum noticed that his three granddaughters in Ranana, ages 8, 13 and 15, have taken to spending their weekends renting videos and watching them at their home. His son has lived in Israel for 21 years, and Teitelbaum speaks to him twice a week by phone. But even so, from his own vantage point in the Bay Area, where he is executive director of the Northern California Board of Rabbis, Teitelbaum hadn't realized how much the lives of his son's family had been influenced by the terrorism, "in terms of where they can go." When he asked the eldest granddaughter how she copes with the ongoing violence he was surprised when she turned to him and said: "Zayde, we're used to it."

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