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Message: <br /><br /> If you are having trouble reading this email, you may view this article online at: http://www.jweekly.com/14964/full/14964/book-a-party-planning-expert-for-your-wedding-now-at-price-of-a-book/ <br /><br /> <b>Book a party planning expert for your wedding now at price of a book</b> <br /> Friday, January 26, 2001 | by liz harris <br /><br /><p>The tip-off is the title of her book, "Never Have Red Wine Under the Chupah...Just in Case it Spills on You."<br /><br /> Author Gail Mendeles Hay gets straight to the point in her 135-page primer, which absolutely brims with practical and insightful advice for those planning the Big Event -- bride, groom and perhaps their parents as well.<br /><br /> In fact, Hay's recently published paperback is equally useful for those planning bar and bat mitzvah celebrations. Although it is geared for Jewish weddings, particularly modern Orthodox affairs, the book covers so much ground so completely that just about anyone planning a party could find some helpful tidbits.<br /><br /> For those less than familiar with traditional Jewish weddings, a glossary provides simple translations for nearly 40 words, from aufruf (synagogue ceremony preceding wedding where groom is called to the Torah) to yichud room (the place where bride and groom share a time of privacy immediately after the wedding ceremony).<br /><br /> Who needs to hire a party planner when you can get Hay for a tiny fraction of the cost?<br /><br /> Although she provides a short introduction, mentioning that she married at 33, did much of the event planning herself and that "mostly everything did go right," Hay cuts to the chase by Page 2. Explaining that her research included interviewing caterers, bandleaders, rabbis, videographers and a host of other professionals, plus "many brides, grooms and their parents who recounted stories from their own affairs," she asserts, "You only have one chance to get it right...So have a paper and pencil [or a highlighter] ready, take notes, and be prepared!"<br /><br /> Hay minces no words.<br /><br /> Without a bit of shmaltz, she begins with a chapter titled "The Guest List." Suggesting a computerized spreadsheet as the best way to get organized, she offers a "Bride's List" example, followed by "a brief word" on thank-you notes. After some motherly advice on the value of personalized notes, rather than generic ones, she adds emphasis with a personal account -- a formula she uses frequently in the book.<br /><br /> "I once asked the wife of a male acquaintance if she ever received the Aufruf gift I sent. She hesitated and answered, 'Yes...you see, at our Aufruf, the entire congregation was invited and we ended up getting so many 'chochka' gifts, it would have taken me forever to send thank-you's to everyone." The bride went on to explain that she'd written and sent notes to the guests on her list, and her husband was supposed to do the same, but he never got around to it.<br /><br /> Hay bristles. "I was so insulted...I had spent a lot of time and effort in picking out their gift, and now her comment made me feel sorry I gave them anything. How dare she group my lovely gift with the cheap 'chochkas'!"<br /><br /> She makes her point, no?<br /><br /> In her frank manner, Hay doesn't hesitate to repeat important points either. Whether discussing the caterer, photographer, bandleader or social hall, she emphasizes the importance of reference checking. Get the phone numbers of the last three people the person worked for, and CALL THEM (she uses uppercase for added emphasis). Hay, of course, provides all sorts of questions to ask.<br /><br /> Her thoroughness isn't surprising, given that Hay has worked in the food service industry for nearly 20 years.<br /><br /> She even tackles the delicate question of a get, or halachic divorce decree. In the chapter "It's Time to Sit Down With the Rabbi," Hay goes over what is typically discussed, including who will be reciting the Sheva Brachot under the chuppah, whether the couple wants the rabbi to use a simple preprinted ketubah or a custom-made one, and other such matters.<br /><br /> Then, after acknowledging that her next point "will make some readers uncomfortable," she urges the prospective bride to bring up the topic of a prenuptial agreement. The Rabbinical Council of America, she writes, has devised a form "that is legally binding, is in compliance with Jewish law requirements, and helps insure that in the event of divorce, the husband will not withhold a get from his wife."<br /><br /> What if the rabbi doesn't go along with the agenda? Again, Hay shoots from the hip: "Then do the responsible thing and tell him that you insist on it. It would not hurt to remind him that he should insist on it too."<br /><br /> Hay appears to leave no stone uncovered. She gives instructions regarding the florist, the bridal gown, invitations, the maitre d'; she offers a complete timetable for the affair, whether it's an afternoon or evening one. She focuses a lot of attention on the bride -- her hair, shoes, emotional state and even physical shape!<br /><br /> Especially helpful: At the end of the book, Hay provides a chapter explaining various Jewish rituals, such as "Why do we get married under a chuppah?" and "Why does the groom lower the veil on the bride's face?"<br /><br /> Throughout the book, Hay generously sprinkles personal anecdotes from her own wedding years ago. One of the funnier ones, in "The Photographer" chapter, points out the qualities that distinguish a good professional from a so-so one.<br /><br /> She writes: "I was thrilled to see my soon-to-be husband looking quite dashing in his tuxedo, as we prepared for the picture-taking. But I was totally unprepared for what happened next. The photographer started to set us up, then stopped and announced, 'Uh-oh, we have a problem here.' My heart must have stopped, but I will never forget his response to the supervisor's question, 'What's the problem?'<br /><br /> "'The groom is wearing white socks.' (To this day, my husband does not know why this was a problem.) Luckily, he was able to get a pair of black socks quickly and the picture-taking proceeded without a hitch. But would another photographer have just taken the pictures, white socks and all?"<br /><br /> As I said, she's very detail-oriented.</p>

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