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Not Jewish but dating a Jew? There’s a book for you!

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Message: If you are having trouble reading this email, you may view this article online at: http://www.jweekly.com/14360/full/14360/not-jewish-but-dating-a-jew-there-s-a-book-for-you/ Not Jewish but dating a Jew? There’s a book for you! Friday, October 27, 2000 | by ALEXANDRA J. WALL Alison Weiss (née Johnson) was at her first seder at her in-laws. The table was decorated with matzah covers, a seder plate and a figurine of a baby in a basket that her nephew had made in school. "Who's this? Baby Jesus?" Weiss asked. "All surrounding conversations came to a halt. My 2-year-old nephew yelled, 'No! It's Baby Moses!'" "It took me a couple of years to live that down," she said. Had Weiss read "What to Do When You're Dating a Jew," she would have been more prepared. Weiss' blunder is one of the many scenarios that interfaith couples share in this amusing new book, subtitled "Everything You Need to Know From Matzah Balls to Marriage," by two Bay Area authors. The idea for the book originated with Vikki Weiss of Mill Valley (of no relation to Alison), whose two sisters and brother all married non-Jews. "There were no big faux pas in my family, but I saw the potential," she said. "I realized a handy guidebook would be useful." So, she spoke with her friend Jennifer A. Block, who lives in San Francisco. The pair work in marketing and had met while employed by Wells Fargo. They were both transplants to the Bay Area, Weiss from the Chicago area and Block from a suburb of Boston. Both are 31. With the high rates of intermarriage and their own experience with it—Block is married to a non-Jew; Weiss is single, but has dated primarily non-Jews—they certainly knew there were some people who could benefit from a book such as this. The book serves as a primer on everything from the basic tenets and holidays of Judaism to background on rites of initiation for Jews, like the bar mitzvah, teen tours to Israel and summer camp. "If your friends went to a Jewish camp, chances are this is where they got to second base for the first time," they write. "And we don't mean baseball." This kind of humor pervades the book. For example, the section on what you'll find in the synagogue includes an explanation of the tallit called "Nice Scarf! Where Can I Get One?" Also, the section titled "The Deal with the Beanies," which, in addition to explaining the custom of covering one's head, lets non-Jews in on one of Judaism's deepest and most secretive traditions. "Many a Jewish man has found extra yarmulkes from past bar mitzvahs and weddings stuffed in his suit pocket," they write. A "High Holy Days Tip Sheet" offers such advice as "If you are going to temple, wear nice shoes but make sure they are comfortable; there is a lot of standing during services," and, "Do not bring wine or alcohol to a Break the Fast unless you want a lot of drunk Jews on your hands." To no great surprise, two local rabbis who are quoted in the book told Weiss while she could use their quotes, they did not want to be named, in fear of appearing as if they are encouraging interfaith dating and marriage. "This is not 'how to snag a Jew, or meet one,'" said Weiss, "it's what to do after." Weiss and Block see it this way: "Intermarriage is happening anyway. And the more comfortable non-Jews are with Judaism, the more likely they'll want to bring it into the household." Block said many of the guests at her own wedding had never witnessed a Jewish ceremony, and later told her it was the most beautiful they had ever seen. "Many non-Jews just don't know what it's all about, and the more that they do, the better off we are," said Weiss. Weiss said that as intermarriage is a fact of life, the authors could be considered "proponents of interfaith Jewish marriage." The writers said they heard some criticism that they were dredging out every Jewish stereotype there was. Acknowledging her parents weren't so happy with some of what they read, feeling their daughters shouldn't say these things in public, Block explained, "This book is very much written by our generation, not our parents'." Furthermore, she said, "It's better to put the stereotypes on the table. This is how you can deal with them." (Speaking of parents, Weiss is the daughter of Jewish Bulletin Correspondent Suzanne Weiss, who wrote the introduction to the book.) "And in the end," added Weiss, "we make fun of ourselves, and make jokes, but this book paints a beautiful picture of Judaism." The authors have heard from people that Jews are buying copies as gifts, and that couples are reading it together. And, Weiss said, who knows? Writing the book may help her meet that nice Jewish boy after all. All of a sudden, Jewish men are knocking down her door. "They love it," she said. "The book is a big turn-on to them."

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