This year, Sarah Oren is invited to 21 b’nai mitzvah celebrations of her fellow seventh-graders at Ezra Academy in Woodbridge, Conn. That means stress-out time — finding the ideal present for each friend.
Luckily, Mom came to the rescue with a brilliant gift-giving idea. Why not have every family in the class chip in money for a gift for each child?
Sarah’s mother, Jeanette Kuvin Oren, sent letters to the incoming seventh-grade class at the end of the school year. She explained that if everyone contributed to one fund, every child would get two gifts: a Judaica item (a havdallah set or tzedakah box) and an Israel Bond or a U.S. Savings Bond.
Kuvin Oren sent out forms asking each child to make gift and bond choices. She also had them write down their Social Security numbers and Hebrew names.
Last summer, the Oren family went to Israel, where Jeanette, forms in hand, combed the stores for unusual Judaica. She found a glass havdallah set and silver tzedakah box in a shop near the Jewish Quarter in Jerusalem. By buying in bulk, she was able to get wholesale prices. She had the Hebrew names engraved on the gifts, which she packed in suitcases and brought back to Connecticut.
A week before each bar or bat mitzvah, Kuvin Oren wraps the present, encloses a frameable gift card and delivers the present to the child.
So which was more popular, the tzedakah box or the havdallah set? Kuvin Oren said the selections were about half and half. As for the bonds, she said it was also split fairly evenly. Many chose to receive the Israel Bond, which can be cashed in toward the cost of an El Al ticket. At Ezra, eighth-graders take a trip to Israel.
At first, the idea of a collective gift met some resistance from the kids, since they were looking forward to getting 22 presents. “But now, when they realize that gifts like CD and clothing gift certificates come and go, and that a gift of Judaica will be with them forever, they are happy,” Kuvin Oren says. As for the parents, reaction has been “overwhelmingly positive,” she adds.
A parent in the sixth-grade class has already taken on the responsibility for next year and Kuvin Oren hopes it will become a tradition at the Jewish day school.
“I’ll do it again when my other daughter reaches that age,” she adds.
The Connecticut mom — who is willing to share her experience with collective gifts with anyone interested in trying it at their school — has learned a few things since last year.
First, she says, no one should feel the need for a shopping trip to Israel; there’s plenty of beautiful Judaica available in this country.
The bigger the class, she says, the bigger the communal gift pot. Her group settled on $400, which is a money saver for families who might normally spend a minimum of $36 per gift.
Some have wondered if the Judaica piece and bond is enough of a present if the whole family is invited to the bar or bat mitzvah. Kuvin Oren says it’s up to individuals to decide that. Some families may choose to add to the present.
But mostly, Kuvin Oren says she’s learned there’s no “downside” to this idea.