With nearly 300 people from Sebastopol to San Bruno on her mailing list, Moji Javid knows she has scored “quite a hit” with her singles group at Congregation Rodef Sholom.
As program director for the San Rafael congregation, Javid organizes once-a-month events for 40- to 59-year-old singles.
“Most people in the group have been married before,” she explained. “They want to go slow and just make friends first. I try to keep the events interesting and filled with many opportunities to meet different people each time.
“Our progressive dinners are one example. I move people to different tables between courses.”
So far Javid can boast of “many people who continually date,” within the group, “but no marriages yet.”
Sandi Zenner, an assistant to Rodef Sholom’s Cantor David Margules, frequently attends the events. She said the idea for a singles group for older adults germinated when Javid heard other women at the Reform congregation complain about the lack of opportunities to meet new people — “especially people who are Jewish.
“Having religion in common just makes members of the group feel more at ease,” said Zenner. Javid “tries to create a more natural, personal way to meet people.”
More than 50 people attended speaker Craig Harrison’s recent talk on “The Lost Art of Conversation.”
After a half-hour of mingling and enjoying pizza and drinks at a San Rafael restaurant, the group got down to business when Harrison talked for about an hour on how to shmooze comfortably.
He gave pointers such as: avoid asking questions that can be answered by “yes” or “no,” don’t be insincere, try to really listen to what the other person is saying, remember that body language is important and look for areas of common interest.
Then Harrison gave everyone the opportunity to practice the techniques he’d taught, asking them to strike up a conversation with someone in the group they didn’t know.
Afterward, some of the singles took the lesson a step further by going to a nearby bar where meeting the person sitting on either side was almost a must.
One regular attendee said she felt it was more important to be part of a group than to meet someone for a long-term relationship. The medical assistant had recently ended an eight-month dating relationship.
“I enjoy the spiritual side of meeting a Jewish man,” she said. Dating is “already an awkward situation, so why let the matter of religion get in the way? I like to go to synagogue, and it’s a lot more comfortable to do it with a Jewish person.”
Another member of the Rodef Sholom group, 57-year-old Steve Jacobson, expressed his feelings in no uncertain terms.
“As you get older you know more about what you don’t want. It’s not hard to meet people,” he said. “It’s hard to meet compatible people. I’d rather be alone than to settle for less. I’m just not needy for a partner. It’s much healthier to want to be with someone than to need to be with someone.”
Jacobson dated someone he met in the group for more than a year, but finally decided the “ingredients weren’t there.”
“I realize people have problems, but most people in this country have a fear of being vulnerable. With women I find there’s a distrust of all men because of what some previous husband or boyfriend had done to them.”
For the next singles event, Javid has planned a simple format, a get-together at a local restaurant for “a night of shmoozing and noshing.” She is encouraging Jewish singles of all ages to attend.
She also has plans for more progressive dinners, night hikes, speakers and possibly plays featuring members of the singles group.