Get a grip
Monty sits down at a table at his local deli and orders a hummus, tahini and pickle sandwich. Five minutes later, his waiter arrives with his sandwich. But oy vey, Monty can’t help but notice that the waiter is holding the sandwich down on the plate with his thumb.
“I’m not meshugga you know,” says Monty. “Do you really think I’m going to accept that sandwich with your thumb all over it?”
“Well surely you don’t want the sandwich to fall on the floor again?” says the waiter.
© david minkoff
The life saver
Renee has recently gone through a messy divorce and is now beginning to unwind a bit. So she arranges to meet her friend Esther for coffee.
Esther asks, “So, Renee, what are you going to do with your life now that Robert has left it?”
“I want to learn how to save someone’s life,” Renee replies. “I want to put something back into the community. So last month I enrolled on a CPR course.”
“Mazel tov,” says Esther, looking a bit farmisht. “ … But isn’t CPR complicated? Isn’t it difficult to learn.”
“Well, I’ve only been to two classes, but so far it seems quite easy,” replies Renee. “And next week certainly won’t be a problem for me.”
“Why not?” asks Esther.
“Because we’re going to be taught how to breath life into a dummy,” replies Renee, “and that’s something I had been doing regularly for the last 12 years.”
© david minkoff
A synagogue’s custom
A young scholar from New York is invited to become rabbi in a small, old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupts as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments.
The next day, the rabbi visits 98-year-old Pinchas Katz in the nursing home. “Mr. Katz, I’m asking you, as the oldest member of the community,” says the rabbi, “what is our synagogue’s custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?”
“Why do you ask?” asks Mr. Katz.
“Well, yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down …”
“That,” says the old man,“is our custom.”