Jon Gosselin: The man we love to hate, now in half-Jewish size

Jon + Hailey, 2gether 4ever

The word just came in from Huffington Post (by way of ParentDish) that erstwhile "Jon and Kate Plus 8" whipping boy Jon Gosselin is half-Jewish. Apparently what it takes to be half-Jewish these days is to have a Jewish girlfriend and Jewish divorce attorney.

Anyway, here's Jon Gosselin on being a little bit o'Heeb:

This is the first year I will celebrate Chanukah. Hailey [Glassman, Jon's 22-year-old girlfriend] is Jewish. Everyone in my life is Jewish now, my attorney. I love it. I'm now half Jewish and half Korean. The family values are great. On Christmas, I'll see my kids during the day for a couple of hours.

Now that's family values!

I just went through Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur and learned about the new year and every Friday is the Shabbat dinner. I love challah bread. I'm learning about Jewish food, going to Zabar's. I love that place. I'm learning about kosher and when not to order a bacon, egg and cheese and make an ass of myself. Hailey makes fun of me. My mom came to the city on Yom Kippur and asked where all the traffic was. I got from the West Side to Midtown in five minutes. She wants to come to the city every year on Yom Kippur.

Forget circumcision, I've always felt that the mark of a true non-Jew was using the term "challah bread."

I talked to Rabbi Shmuley a couple of times. He has nine kids. I was really nervous dating a Jewish girl. She's like the best girl ever. All my friends are like 'I'm so jealous' and I'm like, 'Stay away, she's mine.'

Thou shalt share thy hot girlfriend with thine friends, Jon - it's the eighth commandment.  Read the Bible sometime.

(Sorry, I just looked at the photo of her again - that should read "hot" in quotes.)

I have a therapist. But hanging around Jewish people you don't need to talk to anyone else. My parents and grandparents are divorced and I want to break the pattern. I have Hailey and Mark Heller, my attorney, my therapist. They're all Jewish. I watch them and I confide in them, especially Hailey. She is my best friend. She'll tell me if I do something wrong. God has put these people in my life for a reason. My inner circle is Jewish. I only care what they think. I never talked about anything until therapy. Kate never wanted to go to marriage counseling. The thing in therapy is about teaching me how to talk to my kids.

Let me make sure I have this right - Jon is getting a divorce, right? And he's "breaking the pattern" of divorce in his family? Just checking. Well, I suppose in a world where Jon Gosselin is half-Jewish things don't have to make sense.

I think we all just got a little stupider, don't you agree?

[via Huffington Post]

[photo courtesy of Famecrawler]

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