The Fall, Rise, Fall, Rise, Fall, Rise and Death of Jacob Cohen (Part 1)

The place is historic Babylon (Long Island). The year, 1921. A certain Jacob Cohen is born to an indifferent mother, and Don Juan of a father. When he’s born, the doctor hangs himself with the umbilical chord.

Little did anybody know, that these two misanthropes had birthed the last and the greatest of the Borscht-Belt Comedians.

Shortly after little Jacob Cohen’s birth, his father skirts town to pursue his interest in making other kids. Cohen spends an average of two hours year with his father.  The mother tries her best to ignore the child. She spends the money he makes selling ice cream on drink. For her birthday, the kid gets her a six-pack.

At age five, he’s already working hard, getting paid to sit on a mans lap and get kissed for a nickel. His mother never breast-feeds him, she says she likes him as a friend. School is no easier for Mr. Cohen, he’s routinely shown the way of the ruler.

Cohen later joked: What I childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child Psychiatrist, the kid didn’t help at all!

At sixteen he gets beat up by Punchy at a Manhattan strip-club. At eighteen, Mr. Cohen gets his first gig, they pay, eight quarters, under the name Jack Roy.

Once upon a time, Mel Brooks was Melvin Kadinsky, Woody Allen was Allen Stewart Konigsberg, Lenny Bruce was Leonard Alfred Schneider, etc. It made sense for him to take the name Jack Roy, there was a chance it might stick.

Roy gets work in the Catskills, at nineteen, working the famed-borscht belt circuit, but he hardly scratches the surface of the scene. Gigs are hard to come by and he has to drive a fish truck to get by. His humor is biting, self-deprecating.

When he returns from the summer, he works the toughest clubs in Manhattan. At one club in New York City, the bouncer calls Mr. Roy an asshole. He tells the bouncer it’s cause he’s an asshole, and it’s contagious. The next face Roy’s sees upon waking, is his dentist.

When Roy quits show business, he’s the only guy who knows that he’s quit. Jack Roy is now Jacob Cohen again, the only honest aluminum siding salesman in New York.

Here is the story of Mr. Cohen’s return to show business, in his own words, from his recording, What’s in a Name:

When I went into show business I saw an ad in the paper. It said: "Improve Your Personality..." So, I went to see the man.

He told me my personality was okay but my name was my problem.

I said to him, "My name? How could a name be a problem? Even William Shakespeare said, 'What's in a name?"

He said, "Who?"

I said, "William Shakespeare."

He said, "Look, do you want to listen to me or do you want to listen to your friends?"

I said to him, "I don't understand. Is it good to change your name?"

He said, "Of course I always keep changing my name. In fact, right now I can give you a very good deal. I can give you a new name for five hundred dollars".

I said, "Five hundred dollars! That's a lot of money."

He said, "It's a great name. It's a name once people hear it, they'll start saying it."

I said, "What's the name?"

He said, "Rodney Dangerfield."

I said, "RODNEY DANGERFIELD?"

He said, "See, you just heard it, and you're starting to say it! Listen to me, take the name."

I said, "Wait a minute. Suppose I use the name and I don't like it. Can I bring it back?" He said, "Of course. All I ask is one thing. While you're using the name, don't give it a bad name!"

So I decided to call myself Rodney Dangerfield. As soon as I got home, I thought to myself I made a mistake. I called the guy up. I said, "Look, I want my money back. This is Rodney Dangerfield."

He said, "Who?"

I said, "Dangerfield! Don't you remember?"

He said, "Oh, yeah, Shakespeare's friend."

I said, "Look, I don't want the name."

He said, "Don't be foolish. Try it for two weeks. I guarantee you'll like it."

I tried the name for two weeks, I still didn't like it. I went to bring it back. I couldn't find the guy.

He changed his name.

Mr. Cohen had become Mr. Roy. Mr. Roy became Mr. Cohen again, and once Mr. Cohen had it all figured out, he became: Rodney Dangerfield. And he had gotten No Respect.

In the next post in this series, we’ll take a look at the crafting of the Rodney Dangerfield on stage persona, drugs, Dr. Vinny Boom-Batz, and of course, his wife.

We’ll also look at how Mr. Cohen temporarily took the name Percival Sweetwater and beat the Beastie Boys in the race for “first Jew on the hip-hop charts.”

For now, enjoy some vintage Dangerfield on the Tonight Show:

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