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Thursday, February 27, 2014 | return to: columns, jokes


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Congratulations!

Chaim Yankel opened up a flower shop and was trying his best to win new customers, although he always seemed to get himself in trouble.

One day an angry man came storming into his store. “What the heck is going on here?” he demanded. “I just lost one of my main clients and it’s your fault!”

“Why don’t you calm down a bit sir,” Chaim said. “Explain to me what exactly happened.”

“Well,” said the man “My biggest client, Abe Cohen, moved to a new location, and to be nice I called you guys up and asked you to send him some flowers with a note saying ‘Congratulations.’

“But instead he gets flowers with a note saying, ‘My condolences.’ And then he calls me up, screaming, ‘What’s the big idea?!’”

“Are you sure your client’s name is Abe Cohen and not Abe Epstein?” asked Chaim Yankel.

“I’m sure.”

“Oh, well, I guess now I know why I got that nasty message from the funeral parlor.”

 

In the Big Apple

 

The story is told of two men visiting New York City for the first time, when they come across two Jews wearing long black coats and wide-brimmed hats, with long beards and payes.

One man turns to the other and says, “What’s that?”

The second man replies, “Hassidim.”

The first man responds, “I seen ’em, too — but, what are they?”

 

Three wishes

 

Tim and Lyle, walking down Main Street with Hiram, their boss, spy an oil lamp. With a rub, out pops a genie.

“You get one wish a piece,” says the genie.

Lyle shouts: “I want to be on a yacht in Bermuda!” Poof. He disappears.

Tim exclaims: “Make mine Hawaii — with beauty queens!” Poof, he disappears.

Hiram, the boss, looks around and calmly says: “For my wish ... I want those shnooks back in my office right after lunch!”


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