Planning a simcha? Organize in advance

Panic has set in.

Your little darling is at the beginning of his or her 12th year with the b'nai mitzvah fast approaching. As the rabbi calls to give you the parashah and the date of this momentous event, the anxiety level starts to rise.

Whom do I invite? Where are we going to hold the party? Where are Aunt Rachel and Uncle Sol from Brooklyn going to stay? Does it have to be kosher? And the biggest question of all: How can I afford all this for what is essentially a glorified 13th birthday party?

Well, it's not just a birthday party. All societies have what are called puberty rites: Once completed, they allow the participant to participate in all the rituals of the tribe. Let's be grateful that our Jewish puberty rights are not like those of Africa's Xhosa and Zulu tribes, where the young men and women get circumcised at age 15. Ouch. I think you'll agree that ours is a much more pleasant event for all involved.

And to make that event more pleasant for the parents, you must be methodical and well organized. If not, you're kaput, spending much gelt and enduring plenty of tsuris. So sit down and draw yourself a timeline with a realistic deadline for each task.

The first decisions to make are what type of party you want and where to hold it. For the latter part of the equation there are four possibilities: your synagogue, your house, a restaurant/hotel or a nontraditional party location. It is important to decide upon this first, as many sites are booked months in advance.

Your synagogue may limit your catering possibilities, but the location is probably convenient for your guests to reach. Hotels and banqueting facilities have the convenience of one-stop shopping, but tend to be very expensive. Holding your party at home is less expensive, but considerably more work on your part.

A nontraditional location can provide a truly interesting and unique experience -- but this route requires the most work.

After you select your venue, then come up with a rough budget. Remember, you will probably spend 10 percent over your planned figure. Things add up at the last minute.

Next, you need to decide on catering. If you go with a hotel or banqueting facility, this decision is easy. If you decide not to go this route, ask your friends, colleagues and acquaintances about the catering companies they used for similar events. Then interview caterers, giving them your rough budget and listening to their ideas.

Select the three you like best and ask for detailed proposals. Find out exactly what each proposal covers. Does the final cost in the proposal cover china and flatware? If your site does not provide tables and chairs, make sure that your caterer can.

And remember the first rule in working with a caterer: The longer in advance you book, the less it will cost. That's because your caterer can plan your event more efficiently if he or she has extra time. Plan to select your catering company at least six months in advance.

With the two big decisions out of the way, you now can concentrate on the other small details that make a party a party. What type of entertainment do you want, a DJ or a live band? And what about flowers, decorations, photography? Do you want this event videotaped?

Regarding the guest list and invitations, figure on an acceptance rate of about two-thirds. Have your guest list ready at least three months before the event. Ask guests to respond about 30 days before the event, and call those who do not respond. Your caterer will thank you.

If you can afford it, you might consider hiring a party planner. These charge a fee, plus a mark-up on all services they contract on your behalf. The advantages are that these individuals know the business and handle the whole affair from soup to nuts. All you have to do is show up.

For those who have access to the Internet, there is an excellent piece of shareware called "The Ultimate Event Planner." This program generates timelines, helps you develop a budget and keeps track of vendors and costs.

It all this sounds like a lot of work, it is. But if you give yourself the time, and plan out your tasks, your simcha will be a tremendous success.