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A man was traveling on El Al when his seatmate asked what he did for a living.
“I’m a rabbi,” he said.
“Well,” replied the first man, somewhat arrogantly, “I was born Jewish, but I don’t know much about it. But I guess you could sum it up in one sentence: ‘Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.’ ”
The rabbi smiled, then said, “And what do you do for a living?”
“I’m an astrophysicist,” he replied smugly.
“Well,” said the rabbi, “I don’t know much about it, but I suppose I, too, could sum it up in one sentence: ‘Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are.’ ”
The Jewish bear
A man is out in the woods when he comes across a bear.
Frightened for his life, he runs as fast as he can to escape the bear and hides in a cave. He is horrified to find that the bear has run after him into the cave — and now the man is trapped.
He closes his eyes and begins to recite “Shema Yisrael” in anticipation of his final moments.
When he is finished, he opens his eyes and is surprised to see the bear in front of him with his eyes closed — also praying. The man thinks to himself, “What a break! A Jewish bear! We’re mishpocha. I’m saved!”
But then he listens more carefully to the bear’s prayer: “Hamotzi lechem min ha’aretz.”
Harry is one of the friendliest people around. He’s always looking for opportunities to help, no matter how trivial the situation. Today he’s doing some shopping at Mollie Stone’s supermarket when he sees a mother with a young son in the candy section. The boy has just taken a big chocolate bar from the shelf and his mother is shouting at him, “Peter, put that down at once. You know it’s not kosher.”
As the boy is quietly putting the bar back on the shelf, Harry goes over to her and says, “Shalom, madam. Did you know that Mollie Stone’s has a nice kosher section? Would you like me to show you where it is?”
“No thank you,” she replies. “Why on earth would I want to go to the kosher section? I’m not Jewish.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,” replies Harry. “But why did you tell your boy to put back the chocolate bar because it wasn’t kosher?”
“Because,” she replies, “I’m always hearing the Jewish mothers say that to their children, and it always works for them.”
© david minkoff
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