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The Jewish dog
A man walks into shul with a dog. The rabbi comes up to him and says, “Pardon me, this is a house of worship. You can’t bring your pet in here.”
“What do you mean,” says the man, “this is a Jewish dog. Look.”
And the rabbi looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck, this dog has a tallis bag round its neck.
“Rover,” says the man. “Daven!”
“Woof!” says the dog as he stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kippah and puts it on his head. Then he grabs a siddur and starts to daven.
“That’s fantastic,” says the rabbi, “absolutely amazing! Incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies. He could make a million dollars!”
“You speak to him,” says the man. “He wants to be a dentist.”
Where is God?
A couple has two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. The boys’ mother hears that a rabbi in town has been successful in disciplining children, so she asks if he would speak with her boys.
The rabbi agrees and asks to see them individually.
So the mother sends her 8-year-old in first. The rabbi, a man with a booming voice, sits the younger boy down and asks him sternly, “Where is God?”
The boy’s mouth drops open, but he makes no response. The rabbi repeats the question: “Where is God?” Again, the boy makes no attempt to answer. So the rabbi raises his voice some more and shakes his finger in the boy’s face and bellows, “Where is God!?”
The boy screams in fear and bolts from the room. He runs directly home and dives into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother finds him in the closet, he asks, “What happened?”
The younger brother, gasping for breath, says, “We are in real big trouble this time! God is missing and they think we did it!”
There’s a reason
When, for no reason at all, Moshe buys his wife, Rachel, a present, there’s a reason all right.
Grandmas in the restaurant
A waiter walks up to a table of Jewish grandmothers and asks “Is anything OK?”
The Advil commandments
So Moses is up on Mount Sinai and he says to God, “God, do I have a pounding headache!”
And God says, “Here, take these two tablets.”
These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.
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