Jokes

Better advice

Herschel has a problem, and it’s beginning to worry him to death. Finally, he decides to go to see Dr. Bloom, his local psychiatrist. “Oy, doctor, every night, when I get into my bed, I think there’s a crazy person under it. I’m going meshuga. Please help me.”

“Don’t worry, Herschy,” says Dr. Bloom, “I can cure you of your fears, but it will not happen overnight.”

“So how long will it take, doctor?” Herschel asks.

“Well,” replies Dr. Bloom, thinking, “come to me twice a week for three months and I’ll rid you of your phobia.”

“And how much do you charge a session, doctor?” asks Herschel.

“One hundred dollars” is the reply.

“But that will be $2,600! I’m going to have to think about it.”

Many months later, Herschel meets Dr. Bloom on the street. “So why didn’t let me cure you of your fears?” the doctor asks.

“Well, as I told you then, your fees were a bit too high for me. And my rabbi gave me the cure for nothing.”

“So how, may I ask, did your rabbi cure you?” asks Dr. Bloom.

“Easy,” Herschel replies. “He just told me to cut the legs off my bed. Now nobody can possibly get under it.”

What are the odds?

An archaeologist digging in the Negev Desert in Israel unearths a mummy, a rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. He brings it to Abe, the curator of the Israel Museum in Jerusalem.

“I’ve just discovered a 3,000-year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaims.

Abe inspects it closely, carefully, then declares, “I believe you are right about both the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?”

“There’s a piece of paper in his hand that says, ‘10,000 shekels on Goliath.’”

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