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Thursday, September 20, 2012 | return to: columns, jokes


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Jokes

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What are the odds?

Longtime Brooklyn resident Abe Steinmetz was worried that his son Howard, now out West in his first semester at U.C. Berkeley, would quickly forget that he was Jewish.

So a few days into the Jewish new year, Abe sent Howard the following text message: “Hi Howard. How are things? Are you aware that Yom Kippur is starting on Tuesday?”

Howard sent back the following reply: “Thanks for letting me know. Can you put me down for $10 on him to win.”

 

A fast one

According to news reports, archeologists have found a lost scroll that says that there is a food that can be eaten on Yom Kippur: a McDonalds hamburger.

Because it’s “fast” food.

 

Father Schwartzberg

A Jew converts and becomes a priest. He gives his first mass in front of a number of high-ranking priests who came for the big occasion.

At the end of the new priest’s sermon, a cardinal goes to congratulate him. “Father Schwartzberg,” he says, “that was very well done. You were just perfect. Just one little thing, though. Next time, please don’t start your sermon with, ‘Fellow goyim ...’ ”

 

Math problem

Early one morning, as Patrick and Christopher are walking past a huge synagogue, Patrick turns to his friend and says, “So, how many people do you think are in there?”

Christopher replies, “There are exactly nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine people in that synagogue.”

“Wow!“ Patrick exclaims. “How in the world did you know that?”

“Because yesterday morning,” Christopher replies, “I heard one of them come out and say that they were one short of a milyan.”

© david minkoff


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