For Samson, greatness was a destiny and not a choice. Other people opt of their own volition to become a nazir, as vdescribed in this week’s Torah portion (6:1-21): those who take a vow in the pursuit of piety to abstain from cutting their hair, to eschew consumption of any wine or grape products, and to avoid contact with the dead. And they do so for a limited period of time. But Shimshon, the Hebrew name for Samson, already was a nazir in utero.
The early part of Shimshon’s story is the Haftorah read this Shabbat. In it, his heretofore childless mother is told by an angel that she will have a baby boy and that this special child will be a nazir for life. Not only will he have to follow the nazirite rules of abstinence for his lifetime, even his mother will have to follow them while pregnant. He is to be a nazir literally from the time of conception.
It really isn’t very complicated. There are only three things one must avoid: grape products, haircuts or shaving, and contact with the dead. Yet when Shimshon’s mother tells her husband, Manoach, what the angel said, he insists she take him to the place where she met the angel so he can hear the instruction directly.
Doesn’t he trust his wife? Moreover, why ask what the rules are when they are stated clearly in the Torah?
There is a seemingly unrelated story found in the Talmud (Nedarim 40A) that I believe may shed light here. It tells of a time when Rabbi Akiva personally went and visited a sick student when others did not. Why did he take the time to go himself, and not just direct his students to do the right thing? Perhaps Rabbi Akiva understood that while he could tell others what to do and get them to obey, role modeling the behavior was better, because it would help them to internalize the message and make it part of themselves.
What did the angel tell Manoach when he went to hear the directions himself? “From everything that I warned your wife, she should guard herself (tishamer). Do not consume that which comes from the grape of the vine,” etc. (Judges 13:13-14). Rav Shimon Schwab explains that this man’s question was not an inquiry into the laws of becoming a nazir, but rather an educational question. “How,” he asked, “can I raise a nazir, if I myself am not a nazir?” He was asking how a parent can raise a child to do something if the parent himself does not do that same thing.
According to Rav Schwab, the angel responded, “Yes, in fact, you must also observe these laws yourself.” The Hebrew word “tishamer” (“she should guard herself”), a phrase in the third person referring to Shimshon’s mother, also can be rendered as the second person “you should guard yourself.” This alternative translation means the angel was telling Manoach that he, too, had to act like a nazir if he wanted to successfully raise his son to that life.
The angel was conceding Manoach’s point: You are correct that if you do not observe the nazirite laws yourself, you will struggle to raise your son to be a nazir. Therefore, the solution to the problem is for you to keep these laws yourself. “From everything that I warned your wife — guard yourself against, as well!”
I tend to think of education as a tripod — what children learn from schooling, what they learn from their friends, and what they learn from home. Even when all three are solid, there is still no guarantee of how the child will develop. But the fewer legs one has in place, the more challenging it becomes to succeed in standing upright.
Preaching to children is rarely helpful and often backfires. Much more effective is to teach by example. You want your children to pray? Let them see you pray. You want them to visit the sick? Let them see you do it. As the Kotzker Rebbe said, “If you want your child to study Torah, study Torah in front of them. Because if you only tell them to study, you will instead have children who will one day tell their own children to study Torah.”
Shabbat Shalom.
Rabbi Judah Dardik is the spiritual leader at Orthodox Beth Jacob in Oakland. He can be reached at [email protected].