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Thursday, May 24, 2012 | return to: columns, jokes


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Jokes

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A leg up

Sam Weinstein and Patrick Simpson are sharing a hospital room because they both have gout in one of their legs. Gout is a very painful condition, so when the doctor walks in and begins to examine Patrick (who isn’t Jewish), he begins to scream and cry in pain as the doctor handles his leg.

Then the doctor goes over to the Jewish patient, Sam, and begins to examine his leg, but Sam doesn’t make a sound.

When the doctor finishes the examination and leaves, Patrick says to Sam, “You are the strongest, most stoic person I have ever met. To be in that much pain and not cry out is truly the greatest demonstration of the silent acceptance of suffering that I have ever witnessed.”

Sam smiles and says, “Actually, I can’t stand pain at all — that’s why I gave the doctor my good leg to look at.”

 

From the cockpit

Shortly after a British Airways flight reaches its cruising altitude, the captain announces: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from London Heathrow to Newark. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and ... OH MY GOD!”

Then silence.

Some moments later, the captain comes back on and says, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants.”

At which one old Jewish passenger in coach yells out, “Oy vey! You should see the back of mine.”

© david minkoff

 

Fast service

Whenever it’s time for Miriam’s littlest son to go to bed, she always tucks him in and says, “Bubbeleh, darling, if there’s anything you want during the night, just call your mommy — and I’ll send daddy right in.”

© david minkoff


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