jokes

A package deal

Morry walks into a post office to send a package to his wife.

The postmaster says, “This package is too heavy. You’ll need another stamp.”

Morry replies, “And that should make it lighter?”

© david minkoff

At the ready

A man calls his mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?”

“Not too good,” says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”

The son says, “Why are you so weak?”

She says, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”

“That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”

The mother answers, “Because I didn’t want my mouth filled with food should my son finally call.”

Simple subtraction

5770: The current year on the Hebrew calendar.

4708: The year according to the Chinese calendar.

1062: The number of years that Jews went without Chinese food.

The dream

Allen was talking to his psychiatrist.

“I had a weird dream recently,” he says. “I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn’t get back to sleep. I just lay there thinking about it until 8 o’clock. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?”

The psychiatrist kept silent for some time, then said, “One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?”

© david minkoff