Beaming from the bimah: It''s never too late to become an adult

If you ask Jewish sixth-graders what they want to be when they grow up, you'll get the gamut of answers: doctor, lawyer, rock star, rocket scientist, pro baseball player. When you're young, you can afford to dream big about the future.

The majority of Jewish 11 to 12-year-olds are in the homestretch of b'nai mitzvah planning and preparation, studying hard for their ascent to the bimah and bargaining briskly with parents over party particulars. Although some grumble about the long and intense process, probably preferring a day at the dentist's office to an evening of preparing a d'var Torah, all look forward to the milestone of reaching adult status in the Jewish community.

Paradoxically, there are many doctors, lawyers and other grown-ups with all sorts of occupations who have for decades harbored the dream of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah and are now deciding to make it a reality.

Some were raised in secular homes. A number of men and women grew up in places where attending a religious school was impossible. Many women became teens before a formal bat mitzvah ceremony was an option. Others became a Jew-by-choice long after adolescence.

Can you become a full-fledged adult in the Jewish community without a ceremony and celebration? Absolutely. How do I know? I asked Moses.

According to the Web site askMoses.com, an interactive spiritual resource run by Chabad and staffed by rabbis, rebbetzins and scholars, a Jew becomes bar or bat mitzvah automatically at age 13 for boys, 12 for girls. At that time, in the Orthodox tradition, it is customary for the boy who reaches ths landmark to participate in the Shabbat service, formally and publicly accepting responsibility and dedicating himself to leading a mitzvah-oriented life. In recent years, girls have had an opportunity to celebrate coming-of-age, too, but in less formal ways.

While it is never too late for a man to study Torah, to abide by halachah (Jewish law) and to make a first appearance at the bimah, the ceremonial ritual in an Orthodox shul is a one-time offer — now or never — reserved for kids.

But for those who classify themselves as Conservative or Reform Jews, the adult b'nai mitzvah business is booming. Thousands of America's mature individuals who did not have an official bar or bat

mitzvah experience in their youth have put this journey to a richer Jewish life at the top of their to-do list.

What does an adult Conservative Jew have to do to become a bar or bat mitzvah? How long does it take? Although the Internet is loaded with lots of information about Judaism, you can surf until next Purim and find no definitive answers.

Basically, there are no set, formal requirements, says Jo-Anne Tucker-Zemlak, acting executive director of United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism's Seaboard Region, serving mid-Atlantic states. "Each congregation designs the adult class to fit its own mission, vision."

My unofficial survey of over 30 USCJ congregations shows that the average b'nai mitzvah course takes two years to complete and includes classes in Hebrew language, Jewish history, Torah and prayers. Almost all have a core curriculum and some offer electives from which students can choose. Most meet weekly or twice monthly. 

The specifics of the program are determined by the rabbi, often with the input of the cantor and ritual committee. The class can range from one student receiving individual instruction to a large group, allowing each participant to pair up with a study buddy.

Francie Schwartz, adult learning coordinator of the Union for Reform Judaism's Department of Lifelong Jewish Learning, said her own bat mitzvah experience at Temple Rodef Shalom in Falls Church, Va. in 1980 was magical in many ways.

"So many factors influenced my decision" to pursue bat mitzvah studies, she said. "Not being able to have a bat mitzvah in the late '50s in my Reform [temple], the congregation that my parents helped establish in suburban Chicago, because 'girls didn't do such things'; as the daughter of Holocaust survivors, wanting to study with my rabbi, Lazlo Berkowits, himself a survivor; a general feeling that the time had come to do some serious examination of my Jewish roots," Schwartz said.

In 2001, she compiled "Affirming Your Identity: Adult B'nei Mitzvah Facilitator's Guide," a downloadable, pdf publication (at www.urj.org/educate/adults) that URJ congregations refer to when creating their adult courses of study. Although it was not written for prospective pupils, this comprehensive work will answer many of the questions that wannabe students might have.

I recently attended a big b'nai mitzvah weekend at my shul, Temple Israel of Daytona Beach, Fla. My husband's cousin, Murray, his wife, Barbara, and 18 other adults (age range 30s to 80s) celebrated the culmination of two years of intensive study and the beginning of a new dedication to Jewish learning and an enhanced Jewish life.

Unfortunately, it was a bittersweet occasion for the group, as an octogenarian class member died just days before the ceremony. But, as Rabbi Gary Perras pointed out, she did complete all of the requirements and had an aliyah on the preceding Shabbat. 

I've been to dozens of b'nai mitzvah services, but I had never seen so much beaming from the bimah. I could feel the sense of accomplishment and joy radiating from the front of the sanctuary.

These "kids" were wonderful. I got verklempt. But I was able to compose myself enough to enjoy the enormous kiddush and stirring conversation that followed services, and the marathon of family celebrations that went on for days.

I'm not your mother and cannot force you to go to adult Hebrew school and become a bar or bat mitzvah. It's something you must want to do for yourself. But if you've decided to give it a go, I wish you the best, what I wish for b'nai mitzvah kids of all ages: no runs (in your pantyhose, ladies), no zits (on your face) and no errors.