In 1986, a small group of women approached the Contra Costa Jewish Community Center, located next to Rossmoor in Walnut Creek. Their husbands were victims of strokes, Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, and the women needed help.
They wanted a place where they could get away for a couple of hours a week — to meet with other people in the same predicament, while someone watched over their dependent spouses.
The JCC gave them that place — and hired a part-time staff member to look after their husbands. Volunteers were soon added to the mix and the program began to grow.
By 2004, it had become a full-scale, state-licensed adult day support center, co-sponsored by the Acalanes Union High School District, with a staff of five. That staff includes two credentialed adult education teachers whose salaries are paid half by the school district and half by the Contra Costa JCC.
The Millman Respite Center can accommodate a maximum of 24 Alzheimer’s and dementia patients. It is the only program of its kind in California that is affiliated with a JCC, and one of only two in the nation. It’s also part of a network of adult day care programs in the Bay Area.
“The licensing has brought changes, with volunteers giving way in some areas to the professional staff,” says Robin Gordon, a retired bookkeeper and 10-year volunteer. “I can’t help make the lunch anymore. The professional staff has to do that and they wear gloves. We volunteers cannot take the participants to rest rooms anymore. The trained staff has to do that also.”
But some things about the program have not changed. “We never talk down to the participants,” Gordon says. “We treat everyone with dignity and try to make them feel better about themselves.”
“That’s what the program is all about,” confirms Michelle Godino, the enthusiastic young program manager and one of the two credentialed teachers. “Everything we do is carefully planned. We try to give them activities to stimulate their brains, as well as entertain them.”
Godino was hired four years ago on a part-time basis. She was promoted to full time, got her teaching credential and became the program director when the previous director left. Now she teaches the class on Wednesday and Friday, with Melissa Roman, the other credentialed teacher and a recreation therapist, taking over the days when Godino works in her office Susan Forbes is the part-time activities specialist, while Rona Klein, the program assistant, works three days a week.
Once she puts on her amplified headset and begins to address the class, Godino could easily be mistaken for a professional speaker or entertainer, completely at ease and with her audience. She tells the class that Forbes has baked a cake for them and that she was up all night doing it.
When one woman expresses gratitude, Godino looks at her. “If you believe that,” Godino says, “then she also has a bridge to sell you. Now how many of you feel sorry for her?” A man begins playing an imaginary violin, as everyone laughs.
Godino announces that they are going to paint that morning and then, in the afternoon, they will watch a movie. But first her question about who can remember ever using a pay phone and what it used to cost, segues into a discussion about cell phones. Stan Bennesen says he doesn’t like them and wouldn’t use one because they are too intrusive.
“That’s funny,” says Denise Bennesen, Stan’s wife of 53 years. “I have a cell phone and use it all the time, but about two years ago, he decided he doesn’t want to answer the phone at all, because he gets confused.”
For her, the program is a way to keep her husband busy while she gets things done. “Today I was able to do about an hour-and-a-half worth of errands. It would have taken me about four or five hours if I had to take him with me,” she admits.
“We’re not Jewish — in fact, I don’t even know much about the Jewish people — but this program really helps. It gives me a chance to get some relief.”
Only about 20 percent of the participants are Jewish (though many of the volunteers are) and on this particular day, four of the 18 participants are Asian, including three women who feel most comfortable sitting together. Participants pay $39 a day on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays, when they bring their own lunch, and $42 a day Monday and Thursday, when a hot kosher lunch is served.
For Jewish participants, the JCC “really feels like a second home to them,” says Roman, adding, “we celebrate all the Jewish holidays” and “acknowledge the non-Jewish ones” as well.
Also, “most of our volunteers are Jewish,” she adds, many of them nearby Rossmoor residents, or otherwise affiliated with the JCC.
Sometimes volunteers themselves become participants. “One of the first volunteers with the program then became a client himself,” notes Roman. “This is not uncommon.”
In addition to the respite program for Alzheimer’s sufferers, there is also a support group for their caretakers, where they can get together and talk. The group meets from 10:30 a.m. to 12 p.m. on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Susan Jacobson, the fifth member of the CCJCC Millman Respite Center staff, runs this program.
Marty Lenzi, who has just dropped off her mother, Addie MacCurdy, says, “My mother just beams when I pick her up in the morning.” MacCurdy lives with her husband in an assisted living center, but just doesn’t get the same kind of stimulation at home.
“My father is of a certain generation, and he’s used to being waited on,” Lenzi says. “He looks at her and she appears normal, so he doesn’t understand what’s really going on. And she looks at him and she forgets that he can’t get up and walk around the way he used to, so it’s hard on both of them.
“Sometimes he’ll ask her what they did in class that day and she can’t remember, but I try to explain to him that that doesn’t matter. She enjoyed herself — that’s all that counts. And she seems to be deteriorating less quickly. It seems to stimulate her mind.”
Meanwhile, in class, Godino announces: “Today, we have a special treat. After we finish painting, the children from the day care program will be coming to see ‘the grandmas and grandpas,’ which is what they call all of you.”
The two groups interact frequently and make crafts and other presents for each other.
Godino loves her work. “It’s a real calling,” she says, “not just another job. Every day I get to come to work and have fun, and make a difference.”