Jokes
by jokes
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Making enemies
On the sixth day, God turned to the angels and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Israel. It will be a land of mountains full of snow, sparkling lakes, forests full of all kinds of trees, and high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich so as to make the inhabitants prosper. I shall call these inhabitants Israelis, and they shall be known to most people on Earth."
"But Lord," asked one angel, "don't you think you're being too generous to these Israelis?"
"Not really," God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbors I'm going to give them."
The Israeli way
Benny died and was sent "below." He was amazed, however, to discover lush vegetation, running streams, waterfalls and beautiful lakes everywhere. Everyone seemed happy.
"You look surprised," said a resident.
"I am!" replied Benny. "I expected Hell to be very dry and exceedingly hot like a desert. But all I can see are trees full of all kinds of fruit, beautiful flowers, lots of vegetables, lush grass and water everywhere! This can't be Hell."
"Well," said the resident, "it used to be like you thought, but then the Israelis started to arrive and they irrigated the heck out of the place."
If Jews wrote spam ...
"Get your son the M.D. you always wanted."
"Hot Jewish mother turns on the AC."
"Show your wife how spry you can be ... walk to shul."
"Jewish woman bares it all — her son marrying a non-Jew, her husband not fixing the stairs, her daughter raising her kids wrong."
"Download your 10 favorite sermons for $.99 here."
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