Families let their creativity flow in welcoming baby girls

When a Jewish boy is born, his welcoming ceremony is fairly clear-cut.

On the first Shabbat following his birth, you invite family and friends over to meet your newborn, followed by a bris (ritual circumcision) eight days later, and concluding with a baby-naming ceremony.

For Jewish girls, however, there isn't a precise formula to welcome them into the world.

Traditionally, a baby girl's ceremony — called a brit bat or simchat bat — is a simple naming on the next available day when the Torah is read.

But many Bay Area Jewish families, eager to mark the arrival of their baby girl, want to do more.

And because there is not much Jewish law on this subject, they are getting creative about it.

Dianna and Youval Dar of San Francisco say they wanted to recognize the fact that their daughter, Gabby, was born on Yom HaShoah, the Holocaust Remembrance Day.

"I was initially saddened that Gabby was born on a day with such a tragic history," says Dar of her daughter's brit bat, held in the lounge of the Jewish Community Center of San Francisco earlier this summer.

"But then I realized how powerful it is, that on such a day when we remember all those who lost their lives in the Holocaust, a Jewish child was brought into this world, so their memories will live on."

In fact, during the ceremony, Gabby's great-uncle, Ken Colvin of Hillsborough, who was a World War II liberator, spoke about the fact that Gabby's generation will be the last to know the survivors and their liberators.

The day was even more significant, perhaps, because Dianna and Youval Dar had endured some fertility challenges in order to conceive.

"We wanted our friends and family who were so incredibly supportive and encouraging during all our losses to finally celebrate in our joy," she says. "Gabby truly is a miracle baby and that alone is worth a simcha."

She wanted the welcoming ceremony to be "more about welcoming Gabby into our family and her Jewish matrilineage than a religious ceremony."

A family friend, Heidi Winig of San Francisco, officiated Gabby's welcoming. Winig had held up the chuppah for Dianna and Youval when they got married.

"I am happy to be officiating today for such a wonderful and joyful simcha," she announced. "The good news, depending on how you look at it, is that in Jewish tradition, there are no 'mitzvot' or commandments when a baby girl comes into the world like those we are obligated to do for a baby boy, so Dianna and Youval and I have had the pleasure of learning about various traditions and cultures to welcome a baby girl."

In a sweet, short ceremony — complete with the American and Israeli kibbutznik grandparents on both sides of the family present — everyone took turns reciting Hebrew prayers, such as the Shechiyanu and Sheva Brachot (seven blessings for Gabby's life, based on the seven wedding prayers).

The family then wrapped Dianna, Youval and Gabby in a tallit.

Diana said, "Gabby, as your father and I stood under the shelter of this tallit to be joined together as husband and wife, so now do we encircle you within, as you enter the circle of our family. As we wrap you in this tallit, so may your life be wrapped in love.

"As we embrace you today, so may you embrace your traditions and your people."

(Unfortunately, little Gabby was too young to take part in the chocolate fountain flowing after the ceremony, in which guests dipped fruit, cake and cookies.)

Other local Jewish families, too, are commemorating their daughter's births more personally and less religiously.

When Jueli Garfinkle was planning a baby welcoming for her daughter, Ariella Joy, she chose to have "a small, intimate gathering at our home in the Oakland hills," instead of a large ceremony at a local synagogue.

So, last November, about 25 family members gathered to greet six-week-old Ariella Joy. During the ceremony, the family wrapped her in a Torah scroll that had survived the Holocaust.

"Laying the baby on the Torah during her naming ceremony was magnificent," says Garfinkle.

"Babies are living Torahs. Avram Davis [rabbi of Chochmat HaLev] tells a story how in days long since past, when Torahs were unavailable — either because of practical or political reasons — people would hold up and use babies as 'living Torahs.'"

"To see our fresh, 6-week-old daughter lay upon the most ancient text of the Torah reminded us of the interconnection of all things past and present," Garfinkle adds. "It was a true moment of echad — absolute oneness."

Garfinkle and her husband, Joel, asked guests "to write words of wisdom to our daughter that we will read together on the day of her bat mitzvah."

Indeed, many families are replacing less religious rituals with more creative ones, such as reading poems or creating an altar with objects brought by guests.

Shari Maser, author of "Blessingways: A Guide to Mother-Centered Baby Showers," recalls one unusual baby-girl welcoming in which the infant's parents, grandmother and other children "gathered together in her backyard to plant an olive tree, symbolizing peace and invoking the Holy Land, with the placenta as fertilizer."

They then incorporated "the biblical tradition of using stones to memorialize important events, as the family took turns sharing wishes for the baby and placing stones into a border around the tree," Maser explained.

On Sunday, July 30, in their Pleasant Hill backyard, Harriet and Marco Rosen officially welcomed their daughter, Bella, into the world with a ceremony to which 50-plus guests were invited. Planning was a bit hectic for Harriet, however, who gave birth June 6 and has twin 4-year-old boys to tend to as well.

They ordered a challah from Oakland's Grand Bakery, enlisted the services of a caterer, and had a good friend, Ilene Keys, a cantor at Temple Sinai in Oakland, facilitate the naming ceremony, which "worked out great," reported Marco.

Hebrew prayers were recited and everyone dipped a piece of challah into honey, symbolizing the sustenance and sweetness of new life, explained Harriet.

"We used one big challah, and all the kids said the hamotzi," including the twins, Marco said.

All went well; even the weather cooperated, as scorching heat of the previous week gave way to pleasant temperatures.