Judaism teaches that no Jews are free if even one is endangered — including by domestic violence. Which is why a community response to end such abuse is critical, says Bay Area psychotherapist Talia Korenbrot.
“Every woman, child and man who is a victim of domestic violence belongs to a community — whether it is religious or geographic. We are fortunate to have this community provide an open door for a discussion,” Korenbrot said at a panel discussion on domestic violence, held Monday, June 26 at Congregation Sherith Israel in San Francisco.
The program was presented by Shalom Bayit (Hebrew for “peace in the home”), Northern California’s only Jewish agency dedicated to ending domestic violence within the Jewish community. The event was co-sponsored by a large number of Bay Area Jewish organizations and some local legal aid groups.
Congregation Sherith Israel’s Rabbi Lawrence Raphael reminded the more than two dozen attendees that “bayit,” the Hebrew word for home, begins with the Hebrew letter bet.
“[The Hebrew letter] bet has one side open, which reminds us that the home is a place of shelter when necessary, but remains open when it is more appropriate to leave,” Raphael said.
Rabbi Pam Baugh sits on the Rabbinical Advisory Council for Shalom Bayit. She was one of the first rabbis to provide training for religious-school teachers on child abuse during the 1990s, when legal assistance was nominal. Today, all local synagogues provide this training.
“A rabbi should never turn his or her back on a domestic violence situation,” Baugh said.
Thirty Bay Area rabbis serve on Shalom Bayit’s Rabbinical Advisory Council. And individual congregations are working to address the issue as well. Piedmont’s Kehilla Community Synagogue has established policy guidelines seeking to eliminate abuse in its community and promote the process of healing, Baugh said. Special emphasis is placed on the safety and healing of the victim, although placement for the perpetrator is also needed to allow the opportunity for healing.
Without community response, the guidelines note, abuse becomes a societal as well as a personal issue.
“Domestic violence can only end with the community involved,” agreed Korenbrot, who works with Shalom Bayit.
Legal authority for rabbis and congregations to intervene in a domestic violence situation is limited. If a rabbi has specific knowledge about a situation, a conversation can be initiated. But a rabbi cannot shut someone out from religious worship.
If needed, a congregation can pursue a restraining order for the establishment, said Minouche Kandel, who sits on the Shalom Bayit Advisory Council and is an attorney with Bay Area Legal Aid. However, the restraining order would need to be implemented creatively to ensure both the victim and the perpetrator would continue to have access.
Domestic violence has been classified as a crime in the United States only within the last 30 years. But Jewish law has long recognized abuse towards women, both in the Torah and the Talmud, Baugh said.
Talmudic teachings provide a clear distinction between adultery, considered to be intercourse by a woman’s own free will, and rape. The prohibition against adultery, Baugh said, historically applied to a married woman and a man, who would both be considered guilty as long as there was a witness.
However, if a woman and a man lay in a field beyond a walled city, the commandment states the man should be put to death and the woman could go free. This is because if the woman had screamed, no one would have heard her.
“This is a teaching from thousands of years ago that understands rape brings pain,” Baugh said.
Also under Jewish law, the witnessing of a rape or an attempted murder are the only two special circumstances under which risking or taking one’s life is accepted, Baugh said. Jewish law considers it a grave sin to knowingly put oneself at risk of death, yet under these two circumstances, not only is the risk accepted, but one is expected to risk one’s live to save another.
Legal experts also discussed types of assistance available to abuse victims. Kandel discussed what rights a domestic violence victim has in the home, including the types of restraining orders available, options available for undocumented immigrants, financial rights during marriage and the right to divorce.
Anya Lakner, an attorney with the Legal Aid Society, described the rights available to victims of domestic violence in the workplace, including medical leave law, disability law, anti-discrimination principles, workplace safety and unemployment insurance. She said her work ensures victims are able to keep their jobs.
“I want to make sure people never have to choose between their safety and their financial security,” Lakner said.
Domestic violence is a crime and applies to both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Help is available from police and state and federal law. For more information, contact Shalom Bayit at (510) 451-8874.