Jokes

War strategy

At the U.S. Army War College, a general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies.

One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question: "Will we have to fight in a World War III, sir?"

"Yes, gentlemen, it looks like you will," answers the general.

"And who will be our enemy, general?" another officer asks.

"The likelihood is that it will be China."

A third officer asks, "But general, we are 280 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?"

"Well," replies the general, "think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews have been fighting against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been victorious every time."

"But sir," asks the inquisitive officer, "do we have enough Jews?"




Don't take it personally

The following are actual personal ads from Israeli newspapers:

Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parents' house.

Shul gabbai, 36. I take out the Torah on Saturday morning. Would like to take you out Saturday night.

Female graduate student, studying Kabbalah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please.

Yeshiva bocher, Torah scholar, long beard, payes. Seeks same in woman.

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.

Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan!