Jokes

Jewish 'Survivor'

Here's the premise: 16 Jews are put in a two-bedroom co-op on the Upper West Side of New York. Each week they vote out one member, until there is a final survivor who gets $1 million (but placed into a trust that does not vest until age 59).

The Rules:

1. No cleaning lady.

2. No use of ATMs or credit cards.

3. No Chinese food — take-out or delivery.

4. All purchases must be at full retail prices.

5. Women may not call their mother, men may not call their office.

6. Outside trips must be by foot, bus or subway. No limos, Town Cars or cabs.

7. All workouts and exercise must be done in their apartment with no workout machines.

8. Zabar's is off limits.

9. No playing of Jewish geography.

10. No New York Times or Wall Street Journal is allowed for reading. Only the New York Post and New York Daily News are acceptable.

11. No reading Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue or Bloomingdales catalogs.

12. Only one phone line for all 16 members. No call can last more than three minutes. No cell phones.

13. Maintenance problems must be resolved by the members, without help from the super or any other non-Jew.

14. All therapy sessions must be suspended.

15. No consulting with attorneys.

16. No whitefish, lox or bagels.

17. No antacids of any kind.

The results? So far, there have been no applicants ...