Jokes

Fresh from the shrink

An early patient of the Jewish psychiatrist Sigmund Freud rushed into an Austrian coffeehouse one afternoon to meet her best friend after an appointment with the famous doctor.

Over cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst out crying.

Her friend begged her to share what was wrong.

"Oh, it's just terrible," she wailed. "Today the doctor told me I'm in love with my father, and ... and ... and you know, he's a married man!"




Whose eating disorder is this?

A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder.

"I am obsessed with my mother," he confessed. "As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast."

The psychiatrist replies:

"What, just one piece of toast, for a big boy like you?"




The rabbi's wife

A rebbe and rebbetzin were cleaning up the house. The rabbi came across a box he didn't recognize. His wife told him to leave it alone. "It's personal!" she chided.

One day, she was out and his curiosity got the better of him. He opened the box and inside he found three eggs and $2,000. When his wife came home, he admitted that he had opened the box.

"Oy, such a yenta, you!" she sighed. She told him every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in the box.

He thought to himself, "Not bad — in 20 years, only three bad sermons!"

Then his wife continued, "And every time I got a dozen eggs, I would sell them for a dollar."