Library volunteers find romance late in life

Although both Connee and Gerry Spindel grew up two train stops away in the West Bronx, attended Orthodox synagogues and ordered food from kosher butcher shops, the item that really cemented their friendship was something not typically known as a Jewish delicacy: African peanut butter-charred pineapple with a heaping tablespoon of Tabasco sauce.

"That really blew my hair back," said Gerry, running his hand through a tousled mop of gray hair. "That was over 10 years ago, and I can still feel it."

"Yeah, he used to have dark, curly hair," added Connee, with a laugh.

Both of the 81-year-old Spindels volunteer at the Friends of the San Francisco Public Library. Gerry has volunteered there for 15 years, and Connee for the past five. The two sort through piles of donations, looking for books to sell at the two Friends of the Library stores in the city, and to give to library branches for reuse.

The Spindels also pull out Jewish-themed books that they donate to the Jewish Community High School of the Bay and the Bureau of Jewish Education's Community Library.

With their twice-a-week trips to the library, not only is volunteering a significant part of their lives, but it's also how they met.

A decade ago, Gerry was coping with his wife Sheila's gradual decline due to Alzheimer's. With both of his sons living out of state, Gerry cared for his wife of 48 years by himself. Although circumstances eventually compelled him to move Sheila into a skilled nursing facility, Gerry did all the cooking and shopping.

And so it was that Gerry stopped by San Francisco's Kosher Nutrition Project one afternoon.

"I was told that in order to get a meal, I had to sign up ... and in order to sign up, I had to see Connee. So I said 'Who's Connee?' and at that moment, out walks this striking, tall, well-dressed woman."

"So I said, 'I'm Connee,'" responded Mrs. Spindel, finishing a story that the two of them have undoubtedly relayed countless times through the years.

Gerry, in addition to being an eight-time past president of San Francisco's Congregation Ner Tamid, also volunteered at St. Anthony's dining room. With the decline of his wife's health, volunteering not only offered a way to help others, but also provided an avenue for emotional grief.

So Gerry started to volunteer at the Kosher Nutrition Project. It turned out to be a short-lived venture.

"My first day there, when I served people chicken, half the people said they didn't like the dark meat, and the other half said that they didn't like the light meat," Spindel said. He paused. "And nobody liked the string beans.

"So, after two months, I had had enough."

"We had a few cases of volunteer burnout," Connee said, laughing.

In the spring of 1994, Sheila died. For the last several months of her life she had to be fed through a tube, and Gerry was presented with an emotionally wrenching decision.

"I didn't want my wife to live like that," he said. "I can't really describe the feeling of what it was like to see my wife go through that ... but at some point, I had to say it was OK to let her go."

Although Connee and Gerry saw each other occasionally in the time after Sheila's death, the real connection occurred the night Connee called him and invited him over for dinner — which included the aforementioned pineapple dish.

"I had never had anything like it, that's for sure," Gerry said.

But that meal wasn't the only culinary influence Connee had on Gerry. She also converted the confirmed omnivore into a vegetarian.

Gerry, already a proficient baker, started to make strict vegetarian meals, and invited Connee for dinner. During one such dinner, Gerry asked Connee, who had been widowed since 1969, if she was resolute in remaining single.

"I had a great marriage to my husband Henry for 24 years, and I didn't think it could get any better than that," said Connee, who has a daughter in San Jose. "I really wasn't looking to meet anyone."

"Yeah, she took her time," added Gerry, seated opposite Connee in the Sunset District house he's owned since 1962.

"I thought about it some more, and then I realized that when you have a good man, you don't let him go. Plus, he had an awfully comfortable couch," she said with a smile.

The former door-to-door office supply salesman and the former women's apparel designer were married in December 1997. Since their marriage, the house has undergone several significant changes. The first thing to go was the carpet in the kitchen.

"We couldn't dance on the carpet," Connee said. "And we love to dance."

So out went the carpet, in came the hardwood floor, and on went the Glenn Miller and Tommy Dorsey bands.

"We still can dance well, but I just can't kick as high," said Connee.

When asked how they balanced their love for each other while honoring the memories of their late spouses, both of them said there was no contradiction.

"It's not a matter of taking away the love you had for one person by giving it to another person," Connee said. "If I hadn't gone through what Gerry's been through, we'd have much less understanding of each other.

"You never regret what was, because it will always be a part of you," she continued, adding that their house is full of photos from both their families.

Gerry agreed and looked at his wife.

"By loving Connee, I preserve the love I had for Sheila," said Gerry. "Connee is my best friend."