Jokes

The best bat mitzvah

Tiffany's wealthy parents wanted her bat mitzvah to be a very special occasion, one that would never be forgotten. A safari bat mitzvah had already been done, a neighbor had just hired the Rolling Stones for his daughter's celebration, and the South Pole was just too cold.

So Tiffany's parents arranged to rent the space shuttle from NASA and take the rabbi, family and all Tiffany's friends into space. The excursion created a lot of worldwide attention, and all the press was there to find out how it went.

The first person off the shuttle was the grandmother, and the reporters asked her, "How was the service?"

Bubbe answered, "OK."

"How was Tiffany's speech?"

"OK."

"How was the food?"

"OK."

"Everything was just OK? You don't seem to have liked it? What was wrong?"

"There was no atmosphere!"




Game face

Five Jewish gentlemen were playing poker one night when Paul lost $500 on a single hand, stood up, clutched his chest and dropped dead on the floor.

The host looked around and asked, "Now, who's going to tell the wife?"

They drew straws. Nebbish, always the loser, picked the short one. His friends tell him to be discreet, be gentle and not to make a bad situation any worse.

"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me!" Nebbish says.

So Nebbish shleps over to Paul's house and knocks on the door. Paul's wife answers and asks what he wants.

Nebbish declares, "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home."

She hollers, "Tell him he should drop dead!"

Nebbish says, "I'll tell him."