Jokes

Locked up

Betty and Marcia were talking about their sons, both of whom were serving prison sentences.

Bette says, "Oy, my son Michael has it so hard. He is locked away in maximum security. He never even speaks to anyone or sees the light of day. He has no exercise and he lives a horrible life."

Marcia says, "Well, my son David is in minimum security. He exercises every day, he spends time in the prison library, takes some classes and writes home each week."

"Oy," says Bette, "You must get such nachas from David."




Knit this

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see a bubbe behind the wheel. Not only was she impossibly old and small, she was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the bubbe yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"




Loyal to a fault?

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

"When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side ... You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, get away from me!"




Signs on synagogue bulletin boards:

• Under same management for over 5766 years.

• Don't give up. Even Moses was once a basket case.

• Come early for a good seat.

• What part of "Thou Shalt Not" don't you understand?