Jokes

A taxing question

Morris Siegel, the owner of a small, kosher New York deli, was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return.

He had reported a net profit of $60,000 for the year.

"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $60,000?"

"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these business travel deductions of $125,000. You listed 10 trips to Israel for you and your wife."

"Oh, that?" the owner said, smiling. "Well ... we also deliver."

Rudolph

It was Chanukah at the height of the Soviet era and the tiny village of Chelm was in fear of not having any latkes because people had run out of flour.

Rudy the rabbi was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, "Don't worry. You can substitute matzah meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!"

Rachel looked to her husband and said, "Isador, do you think it'll work?"

"Of course! As everybody knows ... Rudolph, the reb, knows grain, dear!"

Minyan mystery

A Jewish man passing through Texas for a short stay on business checked into a rooming house in what you would call a "frontier town." Not to be conspicuous, he dressed in Western attire and went in to the only saloon in town. He was surrounded by men in cowboy clothes, wearing six-shooters and looking very gruff. He ordered a beer.

He is sipping his beer and trying to be as inconspicuous as possible when the biggest burliest, scroungiest-looking specimen walks in and proclaims, "Ah hears there is a Jew in here!"

The Jewish man cringes and says nothing.

"Ah know you're in here and you better speak up," says the stranger.

The Jewish man can't take it anymore.

He stands up proudly and says," I am a Jew!"

The cowboy stares at him angrily, "What the hell are you hiding for? Come with me, ah needs you for a minyan."