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Trapped

"What would you do if I suddenly died," Hortense asks her husband, Irving. "Would you marry again?"
"No, definitely not," he replies.
"Why ever not?" she asks. "Don't you like being married?"
"You know I do," Irving replies.
"Then why do you say you wouldn't get married again?" she persists.
"OK, Hortense, I was wrong," Irving replies, trying to end the conversation. "Yes, I would get married again."
His wife then puts on a sad look and continues her questioning. "You really would remarry?"
He doesn't answer but just groans very quietly.
"So would you live with her in ... our house?" Hortense continues.
"Why not?" Irving replies, beginning to enjoy himself.
It's paid for, there's no outstanding mortgage."
"And would you take my photos out of our silver frames and replace them with her photos?"
"Yes, why not?" he answers. "That would seem like the correct thing to do."
"And would you sleep with her in our marital bed, where we conceived our children?"
"So where else do you think we would sleep?" Irving replies.
"And would she use my golf clubs?" asks Hortense.
"Oh no," he replies. "She's left-handed."

A quickie

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you're not a hypochondriac.




Motherly love

Freda Cohen is having a very torrid time with her teenage son. They are always screaming at each other and sometimes even fighting. So Freda takes him to see a psychoanalyst.

After several sessions, the doctor calls Freda into his office and tells her, "Your son has an Oedipus complex."

"Oedipus shmedipus," answers Freda, "As long as he loves his mother."




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