Letters

'Demographic bias'

In the Aug. 26 j. article "Psychologist: Boys from single mother, lesbian families turn out fine," Peggy Drexler's "study" is a veiled attempt to validate nontraditional parent families. Her research claims the impact of raising boys in a nontraditional parent family lacking males is on solid ground even though she fails to apply basic research principles.

Drexler's book contains a severe demographic bias towards San Francisco residents and Jews by (admittedly) not properly weighing her research against the population outside San Francisco.

She claims that fewer than 25 percent of families are of the mom-and-dad variety, yet highly regarded research completely contradicts her claims. One study reported by Haya Nasser, of USA Today, says 56 percent of the nations children live with both biological parents — with that number on the rise.

Finally, the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services' survey on child health completely contradicts the point of Drexler's book. Among the results reported: "Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk for drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy and criminality."

Drexler's research methods are highly dubious and her book is a discredit to all Jewish parents, traditional or otherwise.

Richard Israel | San Ramon




Different status?

It is easy to see, reading your Aug. 26 article, why couples facing an infertility crisis might feel stigmatized by their situation.

First, they are seen as having selfishly spent their fertile years piling up wealth and forging a brilliant career. They probably just thought they were becoming financially secure, building a stable relationship, and in general preparing for the huge challenge of becoming parents.

Do we really want them to rush into parenthood before they are ready?

And let's remember that infertility can happen at any age. I once belonged to an infertility support group in which every woman was under age 35.

And of course these couples struggle with the question of whether or not to adopt, wondering whether it will make them "real" parents.

Perhaps they read your Aug. 26 article that mentions that psychologist Peggy Drexler has "a son, 27, and an adopted daughter who will soon become a bat mitzvah." Why mention adoption in such a context if not to imply that the adopted child has a different status in the family?

Thanks for addressing the topic but please try to not add to the pain of people suffering through this crisis.

Alice Hale | Oakland




'Heart-sickening'

How painfully ironic and sad for all Jews that Ethiopian Jews have to leave Israel and travel thousands of miles to Yosemite to "find colorblindness, kinship" (Aug. 26 j.).

As a result of one's skin color and ethnicity, to be denied the right to study Torah and have one's Jewishness questioned is heart-sickening and racist. To have this experience in our Jewish homeland, especially against the backdrop of the settlers' purported core values and objectives with regard to the disengagement is a profound lesson in hypocrisy.

For how much longer will our Ethiopian brothers and sisters, Beta Israel, have to be strangers in their own home and among their family?

Ilana Kaufman | Oakland




Grief-care teamwork

We are truly very fortunate in our Jewish community to have the Bay Area Jewish Healing Center so compassionately and skillfully offering services that spiritually support the bereaved. We at Sinai Memorial Chapel are particularly grateful that we can refer our mourners to them as an important "next step" to our own NextSteps outreach program for Sinai mourners.

It is incredibly important and productive to be able to collaborate with local grief-care programs that support mourners and professionals within our community.

We feel fortunate to co-sponsor Azkarah Healing Services, held four times a year at local synagogues; the upcoming Nov. 16 mo(u)rning conference for professionals who work with Jewish mourners; the Professional Grief Caregivers' Network held quarterly; and the Grief & Growing Camp, now approaching its 10th year with Camp Tawonga and Bureau of Jewish Education.

Support for mourners, and for those who work with them is enormously enhanced when agencies can work so closely and collaboratively together. We are glad to be a part of this Jewish community, and to continue to lead and to share in the creation of grief-care programs for the vulnerable and bereaved among us.

Lee L. Pollak | San Francisco

NextSteps director




Gaza and Venice

I recently saw "The Merchant of Venice" and was struck by the similarities between the reactions of the Venetians towards the Jews after Shylock was shunned and the reactions of the Palestinians towards the Israelis after the pullout from Gaza.

When Shylock was shunned after his demand for the pound of flesh was denied, the Venetians scorned him even more than they did before.

The current context is different because the Israelis pulled out of Gaza on their own accord. But after the pullout, many Palestinian groups claimed victory. Hamas said they drove the Israelis out, and this is "only the beginning."

It would behoove Arab states to favorably acknowledge the pullout and come to the aid of the Palestinians — an opportunity they have missed time and again. That would help change the perception Arabs have of Israel, and it would also help strengthen the Palestinian state.

With elections looming in Israel and Palestine, it is hard to know how long the current leadership will remain. But I can't help but imagine a more viable Palestinian state. And a Jewish state released from the throes of anti-Semitism, a perception as real and virulent today as it was in 16th-century Venice.

Stewart Florsheim | Piedmont




Rabbinical silence

The Jews of Gaza were facing expulsion. The dangers Israel will face with a PLO and/or al-Qaida controlled Gaza will be great. So what was the response from the chief rabbi of Israel, Rabbi Shlomo Moshe Amar, who will be in San Francisco on Sept. 11? Silence.

He could have said something like this: "Jews expelling Jews is abhorrent. The dangers are great. I won't be silent. I'm going to Gaza to be with my brothers and sisters and I expect at least 250,000 Jews to come with me."

That could have cancelled Sharon's plan. But the chief rabbi, still enjoying the privileges associated with his elected position, decided to remain silent, and we know the results. Had Queen Esther, who didn't want her job and risked her life by appearing before the king, acted like the chief rabbi, we would all be dead.

Neal Wohlmuth | San Francisco




Diaspora weakened

I've heard, over and over, disdain directed at Jews who lived, until recently, in Gaza. I had relatives in Kfar Darom. I knew these people, and I knew of their co-habitants.

Those who denigrate Gaza Jews who are overwhelmed by what has happened never set one foot into a Gaza settlement. They know nothing of the history of Jewish existence in Gaza. They never spent a Shabbat in a Gaza Jewish home.

And yet those very same denigrators usually have tolerance for the Arabs who are delirious with joy when "infidels," "apostates" or Jews are slaughtered. They profess kinship with the downtrodden, self-professed victims of the world.

Continuity to Israeli existence is endangered. Make no mistake about it. Jews who fail to stand up and condemn jihadism in all its forms invite disaster for Israel — and for themselves as well. If there is no Jewish nation to exert some influence and power in world affairs, diaspora Jewry is far less secure. You can take that to the bank.

Ira Berkowitz | Emeryville




'Strange disconnect'

There is a strange disconnect in the way that the two sides view Israel's unilateral disengagement. Israel thinks that it is engaged in a peace process while the Palestinian leaders are clear that they are at war.

In a peace process, negotiations can be advanced by one side's making concessions. The conceding side can then expect the other side to do something similar. Sharon's concession shows Israel's willingness to cede land for peace. Now he awaits Mahmoud Abbas' reciprocity.

But in war, any concession is a sign of weakness. In war, when the enemy shows weakness, you press your advantage. So Abbas and the terror gangs see Israel's unilateral withdrawal as an inducement to press for victory.

Nowhere in Abbas' rhetoric is there any indication of reciprocity. Hamas leaders are more graphic, declaring that Israel's destruction is at hand. This is perfectly logical. The Palestinians are at war. Their objective is victory. Victory means the destruction of Israel.

Until Abbas stops the terror, jails the terror leaders, disarms the terrorists, dismantles the terror gangs, makes terrorism illegal, stops the incitement and starts negotiating, he is at war.

Given the above, it is irrational to press Israel for additional concessions.

David Meir-Levi | Menlo Park




Non-Jewish headlines

Your composers of headlines titled the Aug. 5 article on widowhood "'Til death do us part." In your Aug. 19 celebrations supplement, the feature on wedding rings is titled "With this ring I thee wed."

Please ask these learned persons to inform the rest of us where these phrases may be found in the Jewish wedding liturgy.

Frank Kurtz | San Francisco




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