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Second Avenue Deli

Max Greenburg was at his favorite eatery, the Second Avenue Deli, when he called over the waiter.

"Yes?" asked the busy waiter.

"Are you sure you're the waiter I ordered from?" asked Max.

"Why do you ask?" replied the waiter.

Riposted the customer, "Because I was expecting a much older man by now."




Adam and Eve

Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out of their garden?
A. They raised Cain.

Quickest way to New York

A man approached old Mr. Katz in a town he was visiting. "What's the quickest way to New York?" the man asked.

Mr. Katz scratched his head.

"Are you valking or driving?" he asked the stranger.

"I'm driving."

"Zat's the quickest way!"




Rabbi's advice

Alan has been retired for several years and his assets are going down the drain as the stock market nose-dives. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do. He goes to the rabbi, tells him about his problems and asks what he should do.

The rabbi says, "Al, put your beach chair and a Bible into your car and drive to the ocean. It is not far from your house. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will rifle the pages for a while, but eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall on; those words will tell you what to do."

Al does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drives to the beach. He sits on the chair at the water's edge and opens the Bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible. When the wind becomes calm, the Bible remains open at a particular page. Al looks at the Bible and his eyes fall on words that tell him what he must do.

Three months later, Al returns to see the rabbi. He is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit. He is driving a new Jaguar and is accompanied by an entourage of beautiful women. Al hands the rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in order to thank the rabbi for his wonderful advice.

The rabbi, delighted to see Al, asks what words in the Bible brought this good fortune to him.

Al replies, "Chapter 11."




These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.

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