In addition to including the “basics,” many couples today are looking to make their wedding ceremony uniquely their own.
“In addition to the traditional recital of standard Hebrew vows, I have all my couples write personal vows,” says Rabbi Edward Sukol of Conservative Congregation Bethaynu in Pepper Pike, Ohio. “It not only personalizes the ceremony, it adds to the sanctity of it. Some couples write a few sentences or write one vow they both say. Some write a few paragraphs and some write poems. They’re usually filled with humor and real-life stuff.”
Cantor Kathryn Wolfe Sebo of Cleveland’s Temple-Tifereth Israel, who officiates at many weddings both together with rabbis and on her own, finds that “a lot of times couples want to involve their relatives or closest friends in the ceremony.” One way to incorporate loved ones, notes the Reform cantor, is to pick seven special people and have them read the English translation of the Sheva Brachot after the rabbi or cantor has recited or chanted the Hebrew.
Many couples add readings or songs to their ceremony. It is important, clergy members note, to place these “extras” before the religious ceremony begins. The vows and the actual process of uniting two people in marriage should not be interrupted.
Something as simple as incorporating instrumental music into a ceremony can add a personal touch. Use a favorite love song, even a modern pop song, but played by strings, harp and/or piano.
If the couple has close friends or family who are professional singers, asking them to perform adds beautiful music and a personal connection. Any song that has memories for the couple becomes the perfect wedding addition when sung by a loved one.
For those looking for Jewish readings to add to the ceremony, Sukol recommends checking out “Song of Songs,” sometimes referred to as “The Song of Solomon,” a book filled with biblical musings on love. It also contains many readings that are appropriate for interfaith weddings.
Sukol also steers Jewish couples to the Talmud for meaningful quotes to weave into their vows. In particular, he mentions one that says that if a husband and wife have shalom bayit (peace in the home), “their bed can be as narrow as a blade of grass and yet it is sufficient.”
Sometimes the absence of speech is the most profound.
Sebo will occasionally include a moment of silence in the wedding ceremony for everyone to “offer their own prayer of blessing for the couple. It creates a nice feeling.”
Reprinted with permission from the Cleveland Jewish News.