Jokes

Life's problems

Two shlemiels in Chelm, the famous village of fools, are kvetching about life. One of them sighs and says to the other, "Considering how hard life is, death isn't such a bad thing. In fact, I think sometimes it's better not to have been born at all."

"True," says his friend. "But how many men are that lucky? Maybe one in 10,000!"




I've got it!

Sidney, a Jewish scientist in Chelm, wanted to know where the sun went after it set. He went around asking the other scientists, but they didn't know either.

Pretty soon he had the whole of his science department trying to figure it out. They puzzled over it for a long time but they couldn't come up with an answer. In fact they sat up all night thinking about it until finally it dawned on them.




The fly and the raisin

A man stormed into Moishe's Bakery and confronted Moishe.

"Do you know what happened to me?" he demanded. "I found a fly in the raisin bread I bought from you yesterday."

Moishe gave a palms-up shrug and replied, "Nu, so you'll bring me the fly and I'll give you a raisin."




Dishonor?

Two Martian businessmen are taking their afternoon dip in the hot baths at the Martian bathhouse.

The first businessman says, "Yargoblast, I have some unpleasant news for you. Your wife is dishonoring you."

Yargoblast can't believe what he hears, and asks for more information.

"Your wife is dishonoring you and she's doing it with an earthling of the Jewish faith."

Shocked, Yargoblast goes home and confronts his wife. "I'm told that you're dishonoring me with an earthling of the Jewish faith."

She replied, "That's a lie. Where did you hear such mishugas?"




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