Jokes

Cultivate

Jacob from Russia had just completed a training course titled, "Improve Your English," and was taking an oral exam. The examiner asked him to spell "cultivate."

Jacob spelled it correctly.

Then the examiner asked Jacob to use the word in a sentence.

Jacob thought about it for a while, then replied, "Last vinter, on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for de bus but it vas too cultivate so I took an underground train home."




The helpful waiter

Rachel had not seen her Israeli relatives for years, so she was very excited when her Aunt Leah and Uncle Yitzhak came to visit her in London. To celebrate their visit, Rachel took them to an old-fashioned kosher restaurant.

"I'll have the kreplach," Rachel told the waiter.

"The kreplach is from last night," explained the waiter. "Better you should order something made fresh today. How about stuffed peppers?"

"OK, let it be stuffed peppers."

The waiter turns to Aunt Leah.

"And you?"

"Bring please the pot roast."

"Look, lady, the pot roast is strictly for non-Jews. If you want something special, try the flanken."

"All right then, so bring the flanken."

Uncle Yitzhak studied the menu carefully then said to the waiter, "I can't make up my mind. What do you suggest?"

"Suggest!" cried the waiter. "On a busy night like this who has time for suggestions?"




Friends

Rabbi Bloom was having trouble getting a minyan together. Several families with strong antiwar views had recently left his synagogue and taken up the Quaker faith.

"It can't be helped," the rabbi lamented. "It seems some of my best Jews are Friends."




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