“Oh, your last name is Cohen, like the guy on ‘The OC’?” asked a girl sitting in front of me in my American literature class.
“Yes, yes it is, but it comes from the Jewish priests of yore, not the geek-chic stud from Orange County with a penchant for indie rock and Christmukah,” I replied sarcastically.
That this blonde-haired, blue-eyed goddess and I both had an obsession with the show’s Seth Cohen (played by Adam Brody) was no surprise, but the fact that I took my love for him one step further into Judaic questioning set me apart from any regular fan. I wondered: Did Seth have a bar mitzvah? Does he like kugel? Is it important for him to take a Jewish wife?
According to Penina Adelman, Ali Feldman and Shulamit Reinharz, authors of “The JGirl’s Guide: The Young Jewish Woman’s Handbook for Coming of Age,” that inquisitive nature is all part of becoming a “JGirl.” Connecting with other Jews and wanting to learn about their Jewish background is a natural first step, they write.
Dating boys, getting good grades, forming bonds with friends and family are all part of maturing — but the social and emotional drama that can follow does not make those formative years any easier to get through.
Girls of all religions are faced with the question, “What are the right choices and decisions to make to be able to move down the path from girl to woman smoothly and successfully?” What a Jewish girl may not know, however, is that Jewish wisdom is available to guide her in the growing-up process.
The phrase “kol k’vodah bat melekh p’nimah,” which means “the majesty of the royal daughter is inside her,” is a central idea that sets “The JGirl’s Guide” apart from other teen-help books. The term “royal daughter” is not a reference to princesses adorned in lavish crowns, jewels and gold, but rather represents the need for young Jewish women to love and appreciate who they are, quirkiness and all, and to allow them to guide their own lives.
The authors take topics like “I feel healthy most of the time, but sometimes I don’t take care of myself” and “I want to fit in, but I want to be true to myself,” and weave Judaism in as a means to help connect ancient dilemmas with the perils of today’s teenage girl. On the subject of inner beauty, they use the story of Queen Vashti and her stance against King Achashverosh to remind their readers that even in biblical times, a woman stood up for herself and her beliefs by never compromising her personal ideals.
Yet, the most important part of the book may be the last chapter: “I am Jewish, but is this how I want to identify myself?” Unlike self-help books that try imposing upon young adults the “right” way to think, this one opts for a different path and concludes with incisive questions instead of one definitive answer. Taking the same approach to arguments as the Talmud, “JGirls” offers various opinions of how women of all ages lead a Jewish life. It helps readers get a glimpse of all the different facets of Judaism in order to make up their own minds about what kind of Jew they want to be.
As for this JGirl, I found out what kind of Jew I wanted to become a long time ago: the kind that never stops asking questions and also prefers kugel with raisins (in case Seth Cohen is wondering).
“The JGirl’s Guide: The Young Jewish Woman’s Handbook for Coming of Age” by Penina Adelman, Ali Feldman and Shulamit Reinharz (240 pages, Jewish Lights Publishing, $14.99).