Jokes

Hot and cold

Sam and Rachel, an elderly couple, go for their annual medical exam. Sam goes in first. After examining him, Dr. Cohen says, "You appear to be in good health, Sam. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to discuss?"

"Yes I do," says Sam. "After I get affectionate with mine Rachel, I'm usually hot and sweaty and then, after I get affectionate with her a second time, I'm usually cold and chilly."

"That's odd," says the doctor. "I'll ask Rachel about it when I check her out."

Soon it was Rachel's turn. After examining her, Cohen says, "Everything appears to be fine, Rachel. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

"No doctor," she replies.

He then says, "Sam has an unusual problem. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after being affectionate with you the first time and then cold and chilly after the second time. Can you think of why this might be?"

"Oh that husband of mine," Rachel replies. "It's because we only get affectionate twice a year — once in the summer and once in the winter."




Case closed

Nathan is talking to his lawyer. "Here's the deal, Abe. If you're absolutely sure I'll win the case, I'll give you the business."

"OK," replies Abe, "but before I can give you my opinion, I obviously need to know the facts."

So Nathan goes into great detail about his failed partnership and ends up saying, "So now that you've heard everything, do you think I can sue my partner and get my money back?"

"Well," replies Abe, "from what I've just heard, it's clear to me that you will win. It's rare to have such an open-and-shut case."

Nathan goes very white when he hears this.

"What's the matter?" asks Abe.

"I told you my partner's side of the case," replies Nathan.




The head strike

Moe and his friend Isaac were halfway through a round of golf when a golf ball arrives out of nowhere and strikes Moe on the back of his head. "Gevalt." Moe cries out, rubbing the back of his head.

Almost immediately, Harry arrives to apologize. But Moe is having none of it.

"You call yourself a golfer?" he yells. "If I had my way, I'd ban you from every golf club in California. Do you see what you've done to me? My head is bleeding. I'm going to call my lawyer as soon as I get to the clubhouse. I'll sue you for $5,000."

"But ... but," says Harry, "didn't you hear me? I shouted FORE."

"OK," says Moe, "I'll take it."




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