Jokes

The promise

Stan is driving to San Francisco where he has an important meeting to attend. But when he gets there, he can't find a place to park. He drives around, he waits, he even tries a bit farther away, but all in vain. So in desperation he looks up at the sky and says, "Oh Lord, if you will find me a parking place in the next five minutes, I promise you I will stop gambling, I'll eat only kosher food, I'll observe Shabbat properly."

Almost immediately, he sees a car pulling out of its parking spot and quickly takes its place. Again Scott looks up toward heaven and says, "Oh Lord, there's no need for you to find me a parking place — I've already found one."




Not like me

Max leaves his house to hail a taxi and almost immediately finds one. As he gets in, the cabbie says, "Perfect timing, just like Saul."

"Who's Saul?" asks Max.

"Saul Gold, of course," says the cabbie, "now there was someone who got what he wanted — like a taxi just when he needed it. Not like me; I always have to wait ages when I need something."

"No one's perfect," says Max.

"Except Saul," says the cabbie. "Saul was a great athlete and could have played football for the 49ers. Not like me — I'm just a couch potato."

"So am I," says Max.

"And," says the cabbie, "Saul danced like Astaire. Not like me. I've got two left feet."

"Sounds like Saul was really someone special," says Max.

"You can say that again," says the cabbie. "He even remembered everyone's birthday. Not like me. I always forget important birthdays and anniversaries. And Saul could fix anything in the house. Not like me. If I change a fuse, the whole neighborhood has a power failure."

"Wow," says Max, "there aren't many men around like Saul."

The cabbie continues. "And Saul knew how to treat a woman. He could always make her feel good and never answered her back even if she was in the wrong. He always complimented her on Shabbat dinner. Not like me. I'm always getting into arguments with my wife."

"What an amazing person," says Max. "How did you meet him?"

"Well, I never actually met Saul," replies the cabbie.

"Then how do you know so much about him?" asks Max.

"I married his widow," replies the cabbie.




A holy event

Did you hear about Rebecca? She divorced her bagel-maker husband and then married a poet.

She went from batter to verse.




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