Jokes

Grocery gaffe

A man standing in line at a checkout counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming.

He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before.

Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!"

Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought but, maybe ... during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college ... perhaps he did father her child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we did some things that were wild and crazy and naughty?"

"No," she said with a horrified look on her face. I'm your son's Hebrew school teacher."




The procession in Pamplona

Benny and Leah are on holiday in Pamplona and decide to go to a bullfight. While they are watching the grand procession that takes place before the bullfight commences, Leah starts asking a lot of questions. Fortunately, Benny had been to a bullfight some years earlier during a business trip and is able to answer them.

"Benny, who's that leading the procession?" asks Leah.

"That's the toreador, Leah."

"So who's that behind the toreador?"

"That's the matador, Leah."

"And who's that man behind the matador, Benny?"

"That's the picador, Leah," says Benny.

"And who's the little man behind the picador?" asks Leah.

"That's Isadore, the kosher butcher."




The prophecy

Moishe, a medieval Jewish astrologer, prophesied that the king's favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned Moishe and commanded him, "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!"

Moishe realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days later."




RSVP

Abe and Betty were very worried. They had just received an invitation to a very high-class wedding but couldn't figure out the meaning of the abbreviation RSVP.

"If only our son, the graduate, was here, he'd know," sighed Betty, as she kissed Abe goodbye as he left for work.

She pondered the problem all day and finally in a moment of triumph called Abe at the shop.

"Darling, I've figured it out," she said, "RSVP means Remember Send Vedding Present."




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