Jokes

The checkup

Moishe was 80 years old and his family decided he needed a full medical checkup. The doctor listened to his heart and then said, "Uh, uh!"

Moishe did not like what he had heard and asked the doctor what the problem was.

"Well," said the doctor, "I can quite clearly hear a serious heart murmur. Do you drink?"

"No," replied Moishe.

"Do you smoke?"

"No," replied Moishe.

"Well then, do you have a sex life?"

"Well, now that you ask me, yes," said Moishe.

"Well then, Moishe, that's the problem," said the doctor, "I'm afraid you'll have to give up half your sex life if you want your heart to last."

Moishe asked, "Which half should I give up, the looking or the thinking?"




The slip

One day, Jacob, a Russian Jew, slipped on the wet riverbank and fell into the water. Jacob could not swim and was in serious danger of drowning. Two czarist policemen heard cries for help and rushed over. But when they saw that it was a Jew, they laughed and just stood there watching him drown.

"Help, I can't swim," shouted Jacob.

"Then you will just have to drown," they replied.

Suddenly Jacob shouts with his last breath: "Down with the czar!"

The policemen immediately rushed into the river, pulled Jacob out and arrested him for troublemaking.




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