Jokes

Sinai tourist

Peter, a tourist wandering through the Sinai desert, gets lost and soon is very tired and desperate for some water.

Then, just when he had given up hope, he sees in the distance a tiny oasis, consisting of a few palm trees.

When he arrives, he sees a sign saying Moshe's Tie Warehouse and there, sitting under one of the trees in the shade, is Moshe himself.

Moshe is reading the Jerusalem Post. Next to him is a table displaying dozens of different kinds of patterned, colored ties. So Peter goes over to Moshe and asks for some water.

Moshe says, "I'm sorry, but I don't have any water. However, since you're here, would you like to buy a tie?"

Peter is angry. "What good is a tie to me in my condition? Can't you see that all I need is some water? You know where you can stuff your fancy ties."

Moshe says, "It's no good being rude to me. If you don't want a tie, then don't buy a tie. Whether you do buy a tie or not is up to you. But the fact of the matter is that I still don't have any water for you."

As Peter begins to walk away, Moshe calls him back. Pointing, he says, "OK, I'll tell you where you can get some water. If you walk in that direction for about 30 minutes, you'll come to a restaurant. It's owned by my brother Max and there you'll be able to get plenty of food and water."

So Peter starts walking and soon disappears over the sand dunes. Moshe just continues to read his paper.

Two hours later Peter returns to Moshe's Tie Warehouse, crawling on his hands and knees. He is now desperate for water and practically on his last breath.

"So what happened? Didn't you find Max's restaurant?"

"Oh, I found the restaurant all right," gasped Peter, "but Max wouldn't let me in without a tie."




The filthiest man

After taking off his clothes for an examination, Mr. Goldstein sat on the table.

"I have to tell you," said his doctor, "you are by far the dirtiest, filthiest, most unclean shlemiel I have ever examined in my life!"

"How d'ya like that!" said Mr. Goldstein. "The doctor I went to yesterday said the same thing!"

"Then why did you come here?"

"I wanted to get a second opinion!"




Biblical riddles

Q: Who was the greatest male financier in the Bible?
A: Noah — he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q:Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A: Pharaoh's daughter —she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q:What kind of motor vehicle is mentioned in the Bible?
A: David's triumph was heard throughout the land.