The morning that Roger Silberman woke up in the hospital after his laryngectomy, a procedure that removed his vocal chords, not only did it hit him that he no longer had a voice, but it was a task getting someone to realize that he had no voice. When he pressed his bedside button for assistance, the nurse’s voice came over the intercom, telling him to speak to her.
Silberman recalls feeling very angry at the nurse for not remembering she was speaking to someone who wasn’t able to speak back.
Silberman, 68, who formerly managed several retirement facilities, has been through a wide array of emotions since he was diagnosed with throat cancer in November 2002.
“I was devastated when I learned that [my vocal chords had to be removed],” said Silberman, who now speaks with the aid of a voice prosthesis. “And when I came out of the surgery, I was so frightened.”
But later, all he felt was gratitude after being referred to Jewish Family and Children’s Services in San Francisco, which helped ease his transition after major surgery.
“I can’t begin to tell you what [JFCS] did for me, what’s available for its clients, how supportive it is,” Silberman said. “When they bring gift baskets, they don’t just bring baskets, they sit and talk. They made it a lot easier.”
He saw so much value in JFCS’ volunteer program that once he started feeling better, he wanted to give back. He began making holiday deliveries, and then was put in touch with Debbi Goodman, volunteer coordinator for Seniors at Home, who set him up with his own volunteer jobs.
Now Silberman spends a great deal of his time with two clients and friends in the Terrace wing at Rhoda Goldman Plaza in San Francisco. He visits Faye Lewis and Ida Grashoff every Saturday and said he cherishes his time with them.
“They are wonderful ladies,” he said. “I feel like it’s good for me and good for them.”
Activities Silberman enjoys with Lewis and Grashoff are walking in the garden, sitting and kibitzing, joining the other residents for activities, and simply learning their histories and stories.
Heidi Wexler, Terrace coordinator, said Silberman’s clients are always happy to be with him. “They love having his company and being taking care of by him,” Wexler said.
Goodman, who was pleasantly surprised by Silberman’s desire to give back to the agency, met him at the end of his time as a client.
“It’s not that common for a client in senior services to become a volunteer,” she said. “Many volunteers are not comfortable visiting seniors with memory loss. But Roger is very comfortable. That’s what is so remarkable about Roger and it makes him a wonderful volunteer. He goes into meeting people with such joy and openness.”
After taking numerous steps to overcome his own disability, searching for information about his condition, he began putting his energy into outreach. He recommends the Web sites www.cancer.org and www.webwhispers.org.
“Everyone needs all the information that they can get,” he said. “People think their lives are over [after a laryngectomy], but many go back to it after it’s all over.”
One of the things Silberman lets people with his condition know about is the option of having a voice prosthesis placed inside one’s throat to help one speak. Now he can place his thumb to his throat and speak, thanks to the prosthesis. He said it’s very close to having a normal conversation.
Silberman also communicates by using an electrolarynx. A battery-powered device, it is placed against the throat and transmits a vibration to the throat, which a person can then form into words and sounds with the lips, teeth and tongue.
Besides his work as a volunteer and as a part-time flower deliverer, Silberman also attends a speech class once a week at San Francisco State University, where he learns how to communicate better.
After overcoming his initial anger, Silberman says he now thanks God for what he does have.
“As we get older, our priorities change. And when you have a situation like I have, you think about different things. You don’t take things for granted.” He pauses. “When you look around, I’m a lot better off than some other people, I still have my legs, I can still walk, I still have my eyesight.”