Jokes

Kreplachaphobia

Miriam had a problem with her young son, Ben — he went into a total panic every time she served the family's favorite dish of kreplach. Every effort she and her husband made to explain to Ben how nice kreplach tasted failed miserably. So she took Ben to see Dr. Weisenstein, an eminent psychiatrist.

Dr. Weisenstein listened to the problem, then said, "I think this situation is easy to resolve. All you have done so far is talk — you've told Ben how nice kreplach are, but you haven't yet shown him how nice they are. So take him home and let him watch you prepare the kreplach. First of all, let him see the ingredients that go inside a kreplach. Then show him how a kreplach is made. Once he sees there's nothing to be scared of, he will grow to like them."

When they returned home, Miriam followed Dr. Weisenstein's advice. She took Ben into her kitchen and sat him down to watch her prepare kreplach. She put in front of him a small mound of dough and a plate of chopped meat she had prepared earlier. "See Ben," she said, "is there anything here to be worried about?"

"No Mom," Ben said smiling.

Miriam then put some minced meat in the center of the dough and folded over one corner. She looked at Ben and saw he was still smiling. "Maybe this will actually work," she thought.

Miriam folded over the second corner (Ben was still smiling) and then the third. All was going better than she had dared hope. Then she folded over the last corner — and immediately Ben started to get into a state and shouted, "Oy veh, kreplach."




The miracle baby

Sadie is 85 years old and has always remained unmarried, yet she desperately wanted a baby of her own. So with the help of modern science and with the help of a fertility specialist, Sadie has her miracle baby.

When she gets home, all her friends and relatives come to see her and meet the newest member of her family.

But when they ask to see the baby, Sadie says, "Not yet."

A little later they again ask to see the baby and again Sadie says, "Not yet."

Finally they ask, "So when can we see the baby?"

Sadie replies, "When the baby cries."

"Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?" they say.

Sadie replies, "Because I forgot where I put it."




The herring seller

Daniel is walking down El Camino Real when he sees in the distance his old friend Victor sitting outside a bank. Daniel hasn't seen Victor for many years and so is looking forward to meeting him again. As Daniel comes up to Victor, he is surprised to see that Victor is not just sitting there doing nothing — he's actually selling shmaltz herring from a barrel — and he appears to be doing good business. Daniel goes up to Victor and within seconds they are both hugging each other.

Daniel asks, "So how are you getting on in Millbrae, Victor?"

"I'm OK," replies Victor, "I'm making a living."

"Well then," says Daniel, "maybe you could lend me $20. I'm not doing so well these days."

"I'm sorry," replies Victor, "I just can't do that. It's not allowed."

"What do you mean it's not allowed?" asks Daniel.

"Well, in order to get the bank to allow me to pitch this outside their branch, I made a deal with them. They promised not to sell shmaltz herring and I promised not to lend money."




These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.