Jokes

The headache

In a shtetl in Poland long ago there lived a super kvetch named Jacob. One day Jacob goes to see the rabbi and complains about his bad headaches. He whines, cries and talks about his poor living conditions for hours.

All of a sudden, Jacob shouts, overjoyed, "Rabbi, your holy presence has cured me! My headache is gone!"

To which the rabbi replies, "No Jacob, it is not gone. I have it now."




The rumpus

Maurice has a business appointment, and he arrives a little early. The receptionist points to a comfortable chair and asks him to be seated for a while. Maurice settles down, picks up a glossy magazine, opens it and tries to read.

However, he finds that he cannot concentrate because he is distracted by a rumpus coming from behind one of the doors leading off the reception area.

Maurice goes over to the receptionist and asks, "What's going on in there?"

She replies, "It's a partners' meeting."

"But why are they shouting at each other?" Maurice asks.

"It's a battle of wits," she replies.

Maurice asks: "Who is in there?" and she answers, "Horowits, Lebowits, Rabbinowits and Abramowits."




Snowbirds meet

Two Jewish ladies who were neighbors in New York met unexpectedly in Miami one winter.

"Why Shirley" one of them said, "I had no idea you were here"

"So listen Ruthie," said Shirley, "now that we met I just must tell you, I am having an affair!"

"How wonderful" said Ruthie, "who's your caterer?"




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